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Pelosi Reluctantly Passes Stimulus Bill Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

After days of partisan bickering, a stimulus bill is done. “But without the 12.2 billion needed for raccoons struggling with their weight,” a fuming Nancy Pelosi muttered. “As important as it is to put food on the tables for American citizens, it’s equally important to remove some food from our nation’s raccoons,” Pelosi explained. “Republicans…

LeBron James Feels Led to Share Message Of McDonald’s 2 For $5 Deal On Back Of Jersey

It was recently announced that the NBA players would be allowed to replace the name on their jersey with a political message. The rules for which phrase would be allowed were simple. First, all of the corporations that pay the NBA must approve of the message. Secondly, it would need to be cleared by the…

Quinnipiac Admits The Phone They Use To Poll Citizens has been unplugged since 2003

Have you ever wondered why you or no one you know has been called to contribute to an election poll? Well, that question might have been answered by an embarrassing revelation in the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute. During a Project Veritas undercover sting, a Quinnipiac staff member explained that the one phone used to poll…

Democrat Party Hopes Kanye West Can Yank Microphone Away From Joe Biden As Much As Possible

At first, many democrats were angered when it was learned that Kanye West was entering the presidential race. However, that means that the debate stage will now have a guy who’s notorious for wrestling microphones away from simple-minded people. This is great news for Biden supporters. “On second thought, we’ve decided to welcome Kanye into…

Kaepernick Suffers More Oppression As Private Jet Arrives With Cloth Interior

Colin Kaepernick just can’t catch a break. The esteemed civil rights leader was dealt another crippling blow this week when his private jet arrived with cloth interior. Cloth. Not Italian leather. Despite our country spending a century striving to eradicate racism, this latest injustice has the nation starting from square one. “Is this a private…

Dr. Fauci Says ‘Jury Still Out’ On Health Risk Of Protesting On Freeways

Dr. Anthony Fauci, who has said over four accurate things about the novel coronavirus, took questions from lawmakers on Capitol Hill this week. One of the questions that drew attention was from Senator Rand Paul, who asked the doctor if it was safe to wander around on freeways at night. “No! Absolutely not—are you kidding…

LeBron James Feels Led to Share Message Of McDonald’s 2 For $5 Deal On Back Of Jersey

Zillow Adds Warning To Homes In Democrat-Run Cities

Biden Comforts His Base With A Promise Of ‘A Chicken In Every Pot And A Noose In Every Garage’

LeBron James Feels Led to Share Message Of McDonald’s 2 For $5 Deal On Back Of Jersey

Quinnipiac Admits The Phone They Use To Poll Citizens has been unplugged since 2003

Democrat Party Hopes Kanye West Can Yank Microphone Away From Joe Biden As Much As Possible

Kaepernick Suffers More Oppression As Private Jet Arrives With Cloth Interior

Dr. Fauci Says ‘Jury Still Out’ On Health Risk Of Protesting On Freeways

Local Man Devoured By Mostly Peaceful Shark California Officials Say

Trump’s 4th Of July Speech Adds Fuel To Rumor He Likes America

Report: All Briefcases Now Being Included In Total Number Of Virus Cases

Media Patiently Waits For Joe Biden’s Staff To Load Each Answer Onto Teleprompter During Q&A

National Polls Show Americans Loved Footage Of Biden Cheerleading For Mob

Pelosi Reluctantly Passes Stimulus Bill Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

LeBron James Feels Led to Share Message Of McDonald’s 2 For $5 Deal On Back Of Jersey

Quinnipiac Admits The Phone They Use To Poll Citizens has been unplugged since 2003

Democrat Party Hopes Kanye West Can Yank Microphone Away From Joe Biden As Much As Possible

Kaepernick Suffers More Oppression As Private Jet Arrives With Cloth Interior

Dr. Fauci Says ‘Jury Still Out’ On Health Risk Of Protesting On Freeways