Pelosi Reluctantly Passes Stimulus Bill Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

Pelosi Reluctantly Passes Stimulus Bill Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

After days of partisan bickering, a stimulus bill is done.  “But without the 12.2 billion needed for raccoons struggling with their weight,” a fuming Nancy Pelosi muttered. “As important as it is to put food on the tables for American citizens, it’s equally important to remove some food from our nation’s raccoons,” Pelosi explained.  “Republicans…

Democrat Party Hopes Kanye West Can Yank Microphone Away From Joe Biden As Much As Possible

Democrat Party Hopes Kanye West Can Yank Microphone Away From Joe Biden As Much As Possible

At first, many democrats were angered when it was learned that Kanye West was entering the presidential race.  However, that means that the debate stage will now have a guy who’s notorious for wrestling microphones away from simple-minded people.  This is great news for Biden supporters.  “On second thought, we’ve decided to welcome Kanye into…