CHICAGO, IL— As Fictional President Joe Biden makes his way through Democrat-run cities, he has repeatedly been heard screaming, “I don’t need a ride, I need ammo!” as mobs of criminals chase him.
In a recent visit to Chicago to congratulate Lori Lightfoot on its big surgery, Joe wandered off to look for ice cream and got separated from his security detail.
“You wouldn’t beleem it. I wanted some rocky road rage, and then Al-Queda started trying to blow me. So I ran!” Biden eloquently said after the event. “And it’s a goom thing Hunter keeps so many guns safely lost in my jacket because I pulled one out and started firing. Then my driver asked me, “Joe—ya old bastard, you need a ride? I looked at him, and I’ll never forgive what I said next. I whispered, ‘No! I need more ammo, ya dog face!”
After the dust settled, it was learned that a group of Democrat voters had indeed chased Biden. There were nine of them, all of which had been recently released via Illinois’ new ‘Go Kill As You See Fit’ program.
This was the eighteenth time Biden had fled murderous criminals in democrat-run cities this year, prompting the fictional president to admit an uncomfortable truth.
“I showered with my children until the police had to get involved,” he said with a thousand-yard stare.
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