In a stunning compromise, the GOP has surrendered America’s right to bear arms for a chance to remain on Twitter and Facebook. President Trump inked the deal on Wednesday and all guns will be rounded up early next week. “Yeah, I mean… sometimes you have to take the best deal on the table,” remarked President…
Category: U.S. News
Portland Pet Adoption Centers Demand Citizens Exchange White Pets For More Inclusive Black Pets
Pet adoption centers in the Portland, Oregon area are now demanding pet owners trade in their rich, white pet for a more racially sensitive black pet. The plan, according to city officials, is to completely eradicate these horrible, racist animals from the state. “For the last nine years he’s been my best friend,” said Paul…
Jimmy Kimmel Accidentally Apologizes For Blackface As Obama
An unfortunate mistake for Jimmy Kimmel as the late-night host accidentally apologizes for doing blackface as Barrack Obama. Kimmel’s reasoning was simple, an ABC spokesman explained. “Everyone is so mad at Jimmy and no one’s ever mad at Obama. He figured this would work.” The apology skit featured Kimmel doing a poor impression of Obama as he…
Pringles Forced To Replace Mustache Man With Al Sharpton
The leftist mob that now controls America’s every move has demanded Pringles ditch their iconic mustached man logo and replace it with Al Sharpton. Referring to him as the beady-eyed, smug “white-Italian”, several angry 22 year-olds informed the Pringles company that they had one hour to make the change or they would peacefully protest (burn…
Despite Pressure, Local Business Owner Refuses To Release Statement On Black Lives Matter
6-year-old Gracie Peters continues to resist the social media mob as thousands of furious social justice warriors demand her business to make a statement in support of Black Lives Matter. Instead, the young owner of ¢25 Lemonade in Macon, Georgia, keeps making the hysterical claim that she only wants to deliver ice-cold, refreshing lemonade for a…
