DALLAS, TX – As many suspected, the entire Joe Biden presidency was concocted by the marketing department over at Southwest Airlines. The commercial, nearing completion, will showcase a comical montage of the US economy collapsing, the vanquished energy sector, and poopy-pants Biden looking confused. Then the signature, “Wanna Get Away?” voice-over we all love so much,…
Category: U.S. News
Antifa Holds Press Conference To Inform Public They’re Not An Official Organization
PORTLAND, OR — In a well-oiled press conference held at their Portland headquarters, Antifa officially announced they could not qualify as terrorists because they’re not real. They’re ‘an idea.’ “We’d like to welcome all you corporatists, Nazi sympathizers, and even the rat bastards who took the time to attend our important announcement today,” Anonymous #1…
Delta Flight Makes Emergency Landing After Conservative Found On Board
MINNEAPOLIS, MN– After a conservative was discovered to be on board, a Delta flight headed for Seattle was forced to make an emergency landing. “I was serving drinks when I found out,” a shaken-up flight attendant said. “I’ve never been that scared in my life, and I’ve been in a plane crash before. Anyway, I was making sure everyone on board…
Mars Eliminates The M&M Who Keeps Saying ‘Trump Won'
HACKETTSTOWN, NJ– As many in the candy universe expected, the large blue peanut M&M was an undercover FBI agent sent to expose the thought crimes of the lone Trump-supporting M&M, ‘Red’. “After a thorough investigation, we’ve decided to terminate Red,” Mars’ CEO announced. “He wouldn’t get vaccinated and was always listening to Dan Bongino. But we decided…
Republicans and Democrats Hold Joint Press Conference To Deny The Existence Of A Uniparty
Washington, D.C. – Walking arm and arm, Kevin McCarthy and Chuck Schumer approached the microphone to thoroughly reject the idea that a “uniparty” exists in American politics. “Folks, believe us when we say there’s simply no such thing as a ‘uniparty,’” McCarthy began. “Rest assured; both Republicans and Democrats will squash this conspiracy theory. Even…