PHILADELPHIA, PA — Presidential hopeful Kamala Harris brought things into focus on Tuesday night when she reminded Americans that the debate stage is no place for a debate.  When Donald Trump accused her of trying to pack the USA with illegal immigrants tighter than a Chipotle Burrito, she stopped him dead in his tracks.  “No.  This…

NEWHALL, CA—Brenda and Noah Heter were devastated to learn that a pair of local raccoons left their trashcans a 2-star Yelp review Friday night. The raccoons also left a brutal paragraph detailing the Heters’ shortcomings. “Probably the last time we eat at the Heters’ trash cans,” the raccoons wrote. “Most of their trash was stupid…

WASHINGTON, DC — Kamala Harris won’t stand for rude and lazy stereotypes.  On Wednesday, she stood up for the interracial, non-gendered community in a big way. “Listen to me.  Everyone, stop covering your ears for a second. I’ve got most of the cackling out of my system.  I want you to hear what I’m about…

OAKLAND — In a shocking story that’s shocking the nation, The Glorious American can confirm that the Blakely family is moving from Kansas to California. Again, we repeat, that’s from Kansas to California. Economists and psychologists have been working around the clock to explain how this happened but have yet to find answers. “Go west, right?” Rob…