BOSTON, MA – In a recent survey of the nation’s children, rich folks not paying their fair share have leapfrogged monsters under the bed in their list of fears. “I used to sit in bed and be afraid of the boogeyman,” said 7-year-old Emily Trent. “But now I’m scared of the 1% skirting payment for…
Category: U.S. News
Democrats Ask MS-13 Gang Member to Give Response to Trump's Joint Session Speech
WASHINGTON, DC — Immediately following President Trump’s joint session of Congress speech, the Democrats ushered notorious MS-13 gang member, Miguel ‘Bone Killer’ Lopez to the podium to give their official response. The networks had to bleep out a large percentage of Bone Killer’s remarks due to horrifying language, but it seems he demanded the abolishment…
Fiery Exchange Erupts As AOC Demands Clarification On Where Yankee Doodle Stuck Feather
WASHINGTON, DC — On Tuesday, Yankee Doodle testified in front of dozens of angry House Democrats. “We want to know exactly where he’s been sticking that feather!” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez yelled to the crowd of reporters upon entering the Capitol building. Over the decades, Yankee Doodle has driven the left crazy with his overly flamboyant patriotism.…
Officials Find CA Wildfires Started By Gavin Newsom’s Lying Pants
Los Angeles, CA — We now have an answer about what caused the ferocious blaze that’s molesting everyone in Southern California harder than Joe Biden at the bottom of a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit. “Yep, just as we thought. Here they are. Waist size 31, ultra slim fit.” A Burbank fire chief yelled, holding…
Satan Himself Finally Agrees To Move To California After State Makes More Accommodations To His Liking
SACRAMENTO, CA– At long last, Nancy Pelosi and Gavin Newsom have received word Satan himself will be moving from Hell to the state of California. For years, politicians begged the Prince of Darkness to move to California but were repeatedly told Satan could still see a sliver of difference between Hell and The Golden State. …