Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
Category: Law
CIA: 'Poor Twerking Technique Biggest Threat To National Security'
Improper Twerking technique presents the gravest threat to the United States, according to a recent report from the Central Intelligent Agency. In the report, alarming levels of citizens in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and 90’s are either not proficient in twerking or worse, they don’t know what it is and assume…
Mafia Renames Hideout ‘Hunter’s Laptop’ To Avoid FBI Suspicion
Desperate to stay off the Fed’s radar, the mob has scrapped their AstroTurf installation front and simply renamed their hideout ‘Hunter’s Laptop.’ The storefront is located in Newark’s Westgate Shopping Center and the FBI refuses to come within fifty miles of the new shop. To show how safe the new business name keeps them; Mickey…
Victim Of Assault Quickly Removes Mask, Tricking Antifa To Call For Police
The next time you find yourself in a Democrat-run city, you’ll no doubt want to remember this trick for when you’re brutally assaulted. The brilliant life hack came from Sam Larson of Portland, Oregon. As Sam was being chased and beaten with a crowbar, he knew only the bravest and most intimidating force known to…
Officer Mistakenly Deploys LeBron James At Suspect
A Baltimore policeman is learning the hard way that just because each officer is given a standard-issue LeBron James to handle all crime, they must be extremely careful on how they use it. “I swear, I thought it was my gun,” a rattled officer Davis said. “It all happened so fast. A middle-school girl demanded…