WASHINGTON, DC – Federal officials acknowledge a mysterious link between whistleblowers proving Joe Biden’s crimes and UFO sightings, John Kirby informed Monday. Kirby, famous for making a super-serious face to compensate for his ridiculous last name, grew frustrated at the press for overlooking the recent other-worldly sightings. “Sir, we have 4K footage of a father/son…
Category: Law
Donald Trump Indicted For Obstructing DOJ's Effort To Frame Him
WASHINGTON, DC – Two-time election winner Donald Trump was indicted by a federal grand jury Wednesday for deliberately averting the Department of Justice’s task of framing him. The dramatic move came after Trump was given thousands of opportunities to commit actual crimes but refused. “Crime or no crime, we simply want him in jail. Is…
New Biden Tweet So Puzzling Musk Forced To Revisit Free Speech Stance
SAN FRANCISCO, CA– Elon Musk and his new X team have been stumped so badly by Joe Biden, that they’ve been forced to revisit their stance on free speech. White House staff accidentally left the fictional president near a phone, and he tweeted something about his leg hair, Cornpop, and Trump’s ‘raven roar.’ “I must…
Oregon Bill Prohibits Texas Men From Sleeping With Portland Women
PORTLAND, OR– If Texas thought it could pass anti-abortion legislation without any consequences, they were deeply mistaken. As punishment for trying to protect babies, local lawmakers in what’s left of Oregon voted 11-0 to prohibit Texas men from having any sexual relations with Portland women. The bill titled ‘Snatch Back Our Snatch’ took effect at midnight,…
Little-Known Biden Staffer Finds ‘Big, Beautiful‘ Area To Hold Overflow Migrants
WASHINGTON, D.C.–A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has given the administration a brilliant solution for their overcrowded migrant situation. “You see this big, beautiful area down here? A lotta people are saying this is the perfect place for Mexicans,” he said, pointing to the country just below the United States of America. “Call up…