SEATTLE, WA — Prospective homebuyers will finally get the most critical piece of information when browsing on Zillow, the popular online real estate app. This week, the company announced that all property sold in a Democrat-run city would feature a warning icon informing shoppers that the home will likely be taken over by the homeless…
Category: Law
Gavin Newsom Complains Of Death Threats After Signing Bill Forbidding The Prosecution Of Death Threats
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a stunning turn of events, Gavin Newsom, who recently signed R.E.L.A.X. (Reduce Everyone’s Lifespan And eXpectations), is coming forward with some horrifying personal news. “You guys aren’t going to believe this. Only days after I signed the bill to make it illegal to prosecute death threats, people online have made death…
Extremely Rare All-White Humpback Spotted, Immediately Shot By BLM
SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Just one in one million humpback whales are completely white, and marine scientists were thrilled to spot one in the East Bay near Oakland on Sunday. Naturally, a member of the Oakland BLM chapter shot the whale directly in the blowhole the moment it breached the surface. Many believed the researchers provoked the…
Jack Smith Indicts The 221,683,092 Americans Who Believe Election Was Stolen
WASHINGTON, DC – Another 221,683,092 indictments came down Wednesday, this time on the 63% of Americans who believe the 2020 election was stolen. “The fringe beliefs held by this small number of outliers are dangerous,” amateur lawyer Jack Smith said. “These people will be rounded up, loaded into trains, and head to Washington, DC. This…
My Roommate Stopped Letting Me Use His HBO Max Login. Is This Another January 6th?
It’s me/zi/zoy again, Libby McTardo, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because my idiot roommate, Blake stopped letting me use his HBO Max login. And I’m left wondering if this is January 6th all over again. As many of you know, I spent lockdowns with my last roommate, Twilight the pansexual. I wouldn’t let her leave the…