Legal Illiterate Thomas Binger Spends Night In Empty Courtroom, Unaware That He Lost

Legal Illiterate Thomas Binger Spends Night In Empty Courtroom, Unaware That He Lost

Who wants to tell him? That was the question many of the janitorial staff asked each other as they cleaned the Kenosha Courthouse Friday night. “I know I got this baby in the bag!” Binger’s claim echoed throughout the chamber. “And when Kyle inevitably files an appeal–I’ll be ready! Hello?” After spending the night in the courthouse,…

LeBron: ‘Now We Need To Worry About Getting Shot Every Time We Try To Kill Someone?’

LeBron: ‘Now We Need To Worry About Getting Shot Every Time We Try To Kill Someone?’

As Americans desperately wait for the results of Joe Biden’s colonoscopy, citizens everywhere turn to famed basketball dribbler, and distinguished high school graduate, LeBron James for comment on the Rittenhouse verdict. Following an exhausting Lakers practice (Where they instilled their new defense strategy called “hands up, don’t shoot”), James issued some profound commentary on the…

Mistrial? Prosecution Accidentally Gives Jury Video Of Rittenhouse Whipping Migrants On Horseback

Mistrial? Prosecution Accidentally Gives Jury Video Of Rittenhouse Whipping Migrants On Horseback

Defense attorneys for team Rittenhouse have asked the judge for a mistrial after the drone footage provided showed the 17-year-old whipping migrants on horseback. “Your Honor, this is not the same footage we received. This version is a poorly doctored video of Kyle on a horse. And the footage we have is of the rapists handing Kyle…

Prosecution: ‘You Can Only Use Self-Defense After You’ve Been Killed’

Prosecution: ‘You Can Only Use Self-Defense After You’ve Been Killed’

Prosecutor Thomas Binger isn’t called the Chandler Bing of Wisconsin law for nothing. During the closing arguments of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, Binger uncovered another highly disputed legal statute. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is simple; one can only use self-defense after they’ve been killed. Can this case be any more clear?” As usual, the jury shifted uneasily…