WASHINGTON, DC — Because our nation is currently enjoying a peace wave, the FBI had plenty of time to address the rising threat of suburban terrorists posing as soccer moms. These new terrorists are famous for standing in line and politely asking local school leaders to stop triple masking their children while showing them pornography.…

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — As we all know, Mike Lindell refuses to use any tangible object his company doesn’t sell. So it was noteworthy when the MyPillow CEO quietly added the MyShiv to his product line. “My client is accused of election questioning in the first degree. If he serves the full 95 years, he wants…

PHILADELPHIA, PA— When it comes to elections, the FBI doesn’t like to get involved if the Democrat has it in the bag.  But every so often, a progressive candidate takes one too many boosters, and their brain explodes.  That’s what happened with John Fetterman, causing the FBI to step in to write his stump speech.…

SEATTLE, WA–On Thursday, Seattle man Zach McGuire was arrested for possession of a plastic bag. McGuire was brazenly using the bag in broad daylight to carry his roughly eight pounds of heroin. Because Seattleites know plastic bags pose the largest threat to their beautiful city, concerned citizens, including several drug dealers, called the police immediately.…