Seattle Man Found With 8 lbs. Of Heroin In Plastic Bag, Arrested For Possession Of Plastic Bag

Seattle Man Found With 8 lbs. Of Heroin In Plastic Bag, Arrested For Possession Of Plastic Bag

SEATTLE, WA–On Thursday, Seattle man Zach McGuire was arrested for possession of a plastic bag. McGuire was brazenly using the bag in broad daylight to carry his roughly eight pounds of heroin. Because Seattleites know plastic bags pose the largest threat to their beautiful city, concerned citizens, including several drug dealers, called the police immediately.…

Oregon Bill Prohibits Texas Men From Sleeping With Portland Women

Oregon Bill Prohibits Texas Men From Sleeping With Portland Women

PORTLAND, OR– If Texas thought it could pass anti-abortion legislation without any consequences, they were deeply mistaken. As punishment for trying to protect babies, local lawmakers in what’s left of Oregon, voted 11-0 to prohibit Texas men from having any sexual relations with Portland women. The bill titled ‘Snatch Back Our Snatch’ took effect at midnight,…