Discovery Channel To Replace Shark Week With Much Bloodier 'Hillary Week'

Discovery Channel To Replace Shark Week With Much Bloodier 'Hillary Week'

33 years ago, The Discovery Channel debuted Shark Week, a weeklong set of programming showcasing the captivating deep-sea hunters. But in a stunning announcement on Thursday, Shark Week is being replaced with Hillary Week. “Listen, people are fascinated by sharks because of the danger they pose,” Director of Programming, Nathan Kavanaugh, told The Glorious American.…

Criminals Now Quickly Registering as Democrats To Avoid Any Investigation

Criminals Now Quickly Registering as Democrats To Avoid Any Investigation

ISABEL, IL –As everyone knows, if you’re a Democrat pondering to run against a Republican—in particular, Donald Trump, you have immunity from all crimes and even the investigation of any criminal acts. Because of this, all of the nation’s criminals are now quickly registering as Democratic presidential candidates before any investigation can begin. Since this…

Seattle Man Found With 8 lbs. Of Heroin In Plastic Bag, Arrested For Possession Of Plastic Bag

Seattle Man Found With 8 lbs. Of Heroin In Plastic Bag, Arrested For Possession Of Plastic Bag

SEATTLE, WA–On Thursday, Seattle man Zach McGuire was arrested for possession of a plastic bag. McGuire was brazenly using the bag in broad daylight to carry his roughly eight pounds of heroin. Because Seattleites know plastic bags pose the largest threat to their beautiful city, concerned citizens, including several drug dealers, called the police immediately.…