Democrats Demand Trump Administration Solve Coronavirus Crisis Michelle Obama-Style

Democrats Demand Trump Administration Solve Coronavirus Crisis Michelle Obama-Style

Donald Trump and Mike Pence are making a huge blunder by not solving the Coronavirus problem the Michelle Obama way, Democrats are saying. “The great Michelle laid out the tried and true way of resolving huge international problems!” shouted Chuck Schumer on the Senate floor. “She would identify what’s being cruel, whip out her Sharpie…

Democrats Ask MS-13 Gang Member to Give Response to Trump's State of the Union Address

Democrats Ask MS-13 Gang Member to Give Response to Trump's State of the Union Address

Immediately following President Trump’s State of the Union speech, the Democrats ushered notorious MS-13 gang member, Miguel ‘Bone Killer’ Lopez to the podium to give their official response. The networks had to bleep out a large percentage of Bone Killer’s remarks due to horrifying language, but it seems he demanded the abolishment of the second…

Audio of Trump Saying: “Snow is Terrific” Prompts Mitt Romney To Try To Melt It

Audio of Trump Saying: “Snow is Terrific” Prompts Mitt Romney To Try To Melt It

When Media Matters uncovered a 1997 radio interview of Donald Trump saying: “Snow? Oh, it’s terrific. Believe me–just terrific,” it largely went unnoticed. However, when Mitt Romney heard the clip, he sprung into action. “I think what we have here is a President who’s gone insane,” Romney softly said to a gathering of press. “Snow?…

Sales For Mike Pompeo’s Cereal Suffer in Iran

Sales For Mike Pompeo’s Cereal Suffer in Iran

Recent reports show sales for Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo’s cereal line to have curiously slowed. “PompeoO’s”, normally a staple on Iranians breakfast tables, are suffering record low sales in the region. “Sales have plummeted,” explained the local rep. “I can’t blame the economy because we don’t have an economy, but something’s happened. Not sure…

Marriott Asks Greta Thunberg to Stop Taking Her Boat to Speaking Engagements

Marriott Asks Greta Thunberg to Stop Taking Her Boat to Speaking Engagements

Marriott Hotels has officially asked Greta Thunberg to stop arriving at their locations via boat and crashing into their buildings. Thunberg, who is on a speaking tour along the west coast, has been using Marriott conference rooms as she raises awareness for climate change. However, because cars are wicked, wicked things, Greta and her crew…