HARTFORD, CT – When American children pretend to play war with one another, they will now simply reach into their mother’s purse and steal all the money. “Oh, for heaven’s sake! I just heard—the North Pole is attacking Neverland. Quick–We need to take all eighty-three dollars from mom’s coin purse!” yelled 11-year-old Cole Lewis…
Category: World & Weather
Biden Offers China 50% Off American Manufacturing With Huge Cyber Monday Sale
WASHINGTON, DC — Fictional President Joe Biden, bitter that Donald Trump brought too many pesky manufacturing jobs back to America, has announced a killer Cyber Monday deal for Xi Jinping. In a press release titled ‘Make America Second Rate Again’, the Biden administration provided a transcript of the two leaders talking: “I can’t believe I’m doing…
Rashida Tlaib To Israelis: 'What Did Hamas Ever Do To You?'
WASHINGTON, DC — Rashida Tlaib continues to dazzle the DC elites with her vast understanding of international affairs. This time, she posed a question that left Democrats in awe. “As we watch Israel unleash violence and deadly attack on the sweet and gentle people of Palestine, I pose this question to Benjamin Netan. “What did…
Conservatives Everywhere Make Appearance At Pro-Terrorism Rally So F.B.I. Will Remove Them From Watch List
NEW YORK, NY – If you want the F.B.I. to zero in on you the way Rosie O’Donnell stares at a Cinnabon, then make a bunch of pro-America and anti-crime social media posts. However, many Americans have learned if you want to get off the F.B.I.’s radar, just embed yourself in pro-terrorism rallies. And that’s…
Hamas ‘Can’t Even’ As US Military Deploys First All-Gay SEAL Team
GAZA– Hamas has seen its first setback under the Biden administration after top Pentagon officials assume they are ‘taken aback’ by the US’s commitment to diversity and inclusion. Joe Biden has insisted the first-ever all-gay SEAL teams conduct the last few counter-terrorism missions in Iran. Unfortunately, the first group was ineffective after they decided to reenact the gas…