BURBANK, CA–In a bizarre appearance on Friday night’s Jeopardy, Adam Schiff incorrectly answered, “What is the Russians’ to every single question. To kick things off, Schiff chose the category ‘Rhymes With Toast’ for $200. The answer was, ‘Spooky dead people,’ and the congressman confidently said, “What is the Russians!” When he was told he was…
Category: World & Weather
Pete Hegseth Instructs Female Soldiers To Be Ready One Hour Before Actual Deployment Time
FORT MCNAIR — Under Secretary Hegseth’s instructions, the US military is now telling Female soldiers to be ready one hour before the actual deployment time, a Pentagon statement revealed Friday Under the Biden administration, troops were sent overseas to search for new genders on several occasions. However, each deployment was greatly delayed as women soldiers…
Obama Spends Another Weekend Furiously Trying To Start Rumor He Went To Epstein Island Too
MARTHA’S VINEYARD, MA — Poodle-enthusiast Barrack Obama has spent another weekend online frantically trying to start the rumor that he’s also attended the festivities at Jeffrey Epstein’s Island. Obama, most famously known as a left-handed metrosexual, has become obsessed with being part of the celebrity ‘cool table,’ but not once has his super American-sounding…
ABC Asks John Bolton To Point To All The Places Trump Wouldn’t Let Him Touch
WASHINGTON, DC — During a bombshell interview with ABC, former national security adviser John Bolton gave an emotional account of all the places Trump wouldn’t let him touch. “John, I want you to take a look at this map,” Martha Raddatz said, setting up the easel. Bolton, sensing where this was going, slowly buried his head…
Officials Find CA Wildfires Started By Gavin Newsom’s Lying Pants
Los Angeles, CA — We now have an answer about what caused the ferocious blaze that’s molesting everyone in Southern California harder than Joe Biden at the bottom of a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit. “Yep, just as we thought. Here they are. Waist size 31, ultra slim fit.” A Burbank fire chief yelled, holding…