WASHINGTON, D.C.–A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden-Harris staffer has given the administration a brilliant solution for their overcrowded migrant situation. “You see this big, beautiful area down here? A lotta people are saying this is the perfect place for Mexicans,” he said, pointing to the country just below the United States of America. “Call up…
Category: World & Weather
Ron DeSantis Says Hurricane Damage Makes Florida Look 'Almost As Bad As California'
KEATON BEACH, FL. — As Gov. Ron DeSantis surveyed the damage left by Hurricane Helene, he was overheard muttering perhaps the most damning characterization possible. “Holy s—, are we sure this was caused by weather? This looks like Newsom. You’re sure Gavin wasn’t here?” DeSantis asked a staffer. “This looks almost as bad as California.…
Trump Criticized For Calling Cat Ladies 'Preppers'
SPRINGFIELD, OH — Insane cat ladies, once an annoying but influential part of the Democrat coalition, are now regarded as forward-thinking survivalists according to President Donald Trump. Because cats are now a prominent part of the menu under the Biden-Harris administration, Trump has recategorized cat ladies as ‘preppers.’ “It’s actually smart. These ladies are stealing…
Kamala Harris Accidentally Builds Border Wall With Old Wine Boxes
EL PASO, TX — In a rare visit to Texas, Kamala Harris inadvertently delivered on one of Donald Trump’s key initiatives: She built the wall. The massive barrier, which the locals are calling “The Pinot Partition,” was accidentally constructed from hundreds of her discarded wine boxes. “These empty boxes kept being thrown out her campaign…
Kamala Harris Desperately Searching For Right Person To Sleep With To Fix Border Real Quick
CHICAGO, IL – With fictional president Joe Biden being forced out of the 2024 election at gunpoint, Kamala Harris now needs to look competent–and fast. Reports are swirling that she is still diligently searching for the right person to sleep with to fix this that pesky border crisis. On Sunday night, while campaigning in Illinois,…