WASHINGTON, DC – Dressed like an elf, a frustrated Karine Jean-Pierre angrily announced that Americans would need to show their government-issued ‘Jolly Passport’ to prove they are filled with the appropriate levels of glee this holiday season. Also, the National Guard dressed in Santa hats will go door-to-door to extract this holiday joy by force.…
Category: Faith
Biden Makes Play For Evangelicals With New Book ‘Moral AF’
WASHINGTON, DC — Currently, only 4% of evangelicals support Joe Biden. But that might change when his new book Moral AF hits the shelves. Biden, who has lately become unable to read, write or think, has allowed his handlers to make an aggressive play for the Christians everywhere by writing a book under his name.…
David French: 'The Conservative Case For Colorful Fentanyl Tablets Mixed In With Your Kid's Halloween Candy'
David French, a guest contributor, wrote the following piece: It’s been a few years since I famously called drag queen story hour a ‘blessing of liberty.’ The comment ruffled some feathers, but real conservatives like Lindsey Graham still greet me with a warm, multi-minute embrace. Therefore, I’d say that remark is aging like a fine…
Report: Democrats Starting To Freak Out The Scientologists
Los Angeles, CA– Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard has released another message for the world. Oddly, this time it was a handwritten message tied to a brick and thrown through a window of the LA Times. According to Hubbard, Scientologists are getting a little freaked out by Democrats. “Liberals need to relax and let people…
Michael Moore In Critical Condition After Forgetting To Remove Easter Candy Wrappers Again
LANSING, MI — The Glorious American is deeply saddened to report that, for the eighth year in a row, Michael Moore has been hospitalized after forgetting to remove the candy wrappers before consumption. “Every Easter, we have to pump his stomach,” said an exasperated surgeon. “At this hospital, he’s known as ‘the pelican’ because he’ll eat…