LANSING, MI — The Glorious American is deeply saddened to report that, for the eighth year in a row, Michael Moore has been hospitalized after forgetting to remove the candy wrappers before consumption. “Every Easter, we have to pump his stomach,” said an exasperated surgeon. “At this hospital, he’s known as ‘the pelican’ because he’ll eat…
Category: Faith
Nation Ranks: 'Shep Smith Being Off Air' #1 Thing Most Thankful For
NEW YORK, NY — In a new (and unsurprising) Quinnipiac poll, the blessing of Shep Smith no longer being on Fox News still ranks number one among what Americans are thankful for–for the fourth consecutive year. For the last 662 years, the top two things people were thankful for were: “Family” followed by: “Health”. Yet…
Biden Makes Play For Evangelicals With New Book ‘Moral AF’
WASHINGTON, DC — Currently, only 4% of evangelicals support Joe Biden. But that might change when his new book Moral AF hits the shelves. Biden, who has lately become unable to read, write or think, has allowed his handlers to make an aggressive play for the Christians everywhere by writing a book under his name.…
Satan Himself Finally Agrees To Move To California After More Accommodations Were Made to His Liking
SACRAMENTO, CA– At long last, Nancy Pelosi and Gavin Newsom have received word Satan himself will be moving from Hell to the state of California. For years politicians begged the Prince of Darkness to move to California but were repeatedly told Satan could still see a sliver of difference between Hell and The Golden State. …
Report: Democrats Starting To Freak Out The Scientologists
Los Angeles, CA– Scientology founder, L. Ron Hubbard has released another message for the world. Oddly, this time it was a handwritten message tied to a brick and thrown through a window of the LA Times. According to Hubbard, Scientologists are getting a little freaked out by Democrats. “Liberals need to relax and let people…