As rumors swirl that Joe Biden is barely alive, the presidential hopeful put his doubters to shame with a masterful series of backflips and somersaults on Thursday. “See? You can even kick him and he won’t lose balance. Watch,” a staffer told the press as he forcefully pushed Biden with his leg. Joe quickly stabilized…
Category: Health
Alec Baldwin Offered Over 2,000 Roles After Oscars Require Handicapped Actors
On Tuesday Hollywood was abuzz after the Academy of Motion Pictures announced new diversity requirements. And so was Alec Baldwin’s phone. Beginning in 2022, one of the requirements a film must satisfy to become Oscar-eligible is the inclusion of handicapped actors. Immediately, studio executives scrambled to call America’s favorite handicapped star, Alec Baldwin. “What can I…
‘It’s OK, He Has Insurance,’ Trump Says About Protester On Fire
As footage of the Portland protestor whose legs caught fire went viral, Americans everywhere ran to their computers and began editing the flaming man to synchronize with their favorite dance music. It was a fun time for all. See for yourself: However, we soon learned the Democrat party was not too happy to see conservatives…
Local Man Devoured By Mostly Peaceful Shark California Officials Say
Over the weekend Santa Monica swimmer, Doug Patterson was eaten alive by a great white shark. Thankfully, California officials have confirmed that the 21-foot shark’s interactions with Patterson were mostly peaceful. “After consulting with marine biologists, we learned this shark went roughly eleven years of its life not devouring Doug Patterson and then after wolfing…
Disney+ Updates Classic Films To Reflect Proper Mask Use
Millions of mothers are spending hours a day trying to convince their children to wear a mask. However, all that work is being erased once their kids flip on Disney+. In the nearly 800 hours of footage on the popular streaming app, only movies containing mummies have displayed proper mask use thus far. “That’s not…
