WASHINGTON, DC — When famed pharmaceutical rep Anthony Fauci heard that 19-year-old Colton Lewis was walking through a Target without a mask, the salesman prepared himself to deliver a tough conversation with the young man. Colton, still at the Target store when Fauci arrived, was approached by the doctor. “Excuse me, Colton? Can you please…
Category: Health
Jill Biden Signs Executive Order Legalizing Elder Abuse
WASHINGTON, DC — On Monday, Jill Biden placed her foot on the lower back of her husband and forcefully shoved him to the ground. Then she demanded a White House staffer hand her a pen. The cap was stuck tightly at first, but nevertheless, she persisted. Moments later, she had signed a groundbreaking executive order that officially…
CDC Labels Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’ Medical Misinformation
ATLANTA, GA– This time, Marvin Gaye went too far in 1982, the CDC announced Sunday. The provocative songwriter is being canceled for falsely claiming something called ‘sexual healing’ helps relieves one’s mind, body and even cures a feeling of being ‘hot just like an oven’ –the classic symptoms of COVID-19. “Sexual healing is not better than…
Fauci Joins US Gymnast Team After Impressive Career Of Flipping And Flopping
WASHINGTON, DC — In the same interview announcing his retirement, Dr. Fauci contradicted himself a record 32 times. Little did he know, the head coach of the USA gymnastics squad was watching, and he frantically reached out to the brilliant doctor. “I’ve never seen such flipping and flopping,” the coach told Fauci over the phone.…
Dr. Fauci Leaves NIH To Move Goal Posts For The NFL
WASHINGTON, DC— Dr. Fauci’s days of frustrating Americans with his ever-changing criteria for re-opening the nation are over. He has decided to take his goal post moving skills to the NFL, The Glorious American has learned. “We’re always on the lookout for talent, and we welcome him with open arms. Unless he says outstretching one’s…