The CDC has announced that they’ve begun including all briefcases in the total number of COVID-19 cases. The decision came after several Democrat governors demanded more scary numbers so they could force another lockdown. “This is bad. We must shut down California,” Gavin Newsom said outside a Sacramento mall. “Because of Trump, we’ve just learned…
Category: Health
Pringles Forced To Replace Mustache Man With Al Sharpton
The leftist mob that now controls America’s every move has demanded Pringles ditch their iconic mustached man logo and replace it with Al Sharpton. Referring to him as the beady-eyed, smug “white-Italian”, several angry 22 year-olds informed the Pringles company that they had one hour to make the change or they would peacefully protest (burn…
Alaska Just Now Finding Out What’s Going On Down Here
Alaskans are just now learning about the horrifying hellscape of lawless carnage the lower 48 have gotten themselves into this year. “You hear about this? Apparently, the whole world is in some kind of trouble,” a bearded Alaskan man informed his friends upon getting a brief moment of cellular service. “It sounds like the beer…
CNN: Peaceful Protesters Lend Helping Hand To Keep Small Businesses Closed
“It was a touching scene tonight in Minneapolis as thousands of peaceful protesters lent a helping hand in the effort to keep small businesses closed,” CNN’s Don Lemon cheerfully reported. The protestors used the little-known technique of burning all the stores to the ground to accomplish this noble goal. Despite many Americans disagreeing with this…
