Well, that was fast. Using some clever court filings, Donald Trump was able to immediately reclaim the White House using eminent domain. As construction for “Trump Tower Swamp” begins, some MAGA hat-wearing city planners agreed that the White House property makes the most sense for a parking structure. The tower will be directly in front…
Category: Trump
Trump Pardons Prison Mike In Touching White House Ceremony
It was a tearjerker on the White House lawn Monday as President Trump announced the pardon of the infamous thief and kidnapper known as Prison Mike. “Get up here, Mike!” Trump yelled to the criminal currently on parole. “Ya know, a lot of people tell me I should never forgive you for kidnapping Barron,” the…
Rappers Who Praised Trump Receive Another 90 Day Extension From Woke Mob
Another extension has been granted to all the rappers who were once friendly towards President Donald Trump. They now have 90 more days before the woke mob comes to destroy their lives. Their lives and assets were originally scheduled to be annihilated on Sunday. However, a DC-area judge accepted the extension request, which was just…
Republicans Trade Second Amendment For Chance To Remain On Social Media
In a stunning compromise, the GOP has surrendered America’s right to bear arms for a chance to remain on Twitter and Facebook. President Trump inked the deal on Friday and all guns will be rounded up early next week. “Yeah, I mean… sometimes you have to take the best deal on the table,” remarked President…
Mitch McConnell: ‘Americans No Longer Like Trump, Freedom, Sex’
Say what you will about Mitch McConnell, but the man has his finger on the pulse of your average American. On Tuesday, McConnell explained that Donald Trump is actually no longer popular because, “well, just turn on the news for goodness sake,” he said on the Senate floor. “If my memory serves, Donald Trump never…
