Donald Trump has agreed to allow Ben Shapiro to hop on his back and guide his every move until Election Day, White House officials say. Should the President begin saying something unhelpful to his campaign, Shapiro will lovingly break a violin over his head. “Ben is very smart, he’s very lightweight and I hear he’s…
Category: Trump
Health Update: Trump Back To Doing Push-ups With The Clap In The Middle
America is rejoicing after the White House announced Donald Trump had fully regained his ability to do two-hundred consecutive push-ups with the clap in the middle. The media, many of whom pronounced the President dead twenty minutes after learning he had contracted COVID-19, was furious at the video Trump released showcasing his feat. “Ok, everyone,…
Medical Miracle? Trump Drains Biden’s Last Bit Of Energy For Full Recovery
In an incredible announcement from the President’s doctors, it appears Donald Trump has made an impressive recovery from COVID-19 by somehow draining the last bit of energy from rival, Joe Biden. Simply put, as the President gains strength, Biden is weakening. While the claim sounds outlandish, doctors from the Biden camp have confirmed the phenomenon. …
After A Lot Of Prayer, Nancy Pelosi Tearfully Instructs Doctors To Pull The Plug On Trump (And Pence)
After a great deal of prayer, a tearful Nancy Pelosi has been calling Walter Reed Hospital and instructing the doctors to ‘pull the plug’ on Donald Trump after he contracted COVID-19. A receptionist at the hospital confirmed that Pelosi has called roughly fifty times, and at one point did a Dr. Fauci impression to make…
Source: Wallace Ashamed For Only Asking Trump To Denounce White Supremacists Twelve Times
A source within Fox News is reporting that debate moderator, Chris Wallace is ‘ashamed’ and ‘mortified’ that he only asked Donald Trump to denounce white supremacists a dozen times. “He’s been in his office crying all day,” Fox News’ Brit Hume said Wednesday. “We told him that asking Trump to denounce the group twelve times…
