Donald Trump wants to write checks to Americans struggling to get through the coronavirus crisis, but democrats claim that violates their strict policy of hoarding all the nation’s money for themselves. Within minutes of the stimulus announcement, House Democrats began hopping around the capital building like the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz with anticipation…
After the nation learned that President Trump has been lowering himself into a tub of Purell each night, many Americans feel it is “excessive”. “I would say your favorite president needs the sweet burn of health,” Trump explained. “I need to be in tip-top shape so yes, I ask Melania to pour 82 bottles of…
Everyone who watched CNN yesterday had a feeling of great panic and hopelessness sweep over them as the network showed a chyron that read: “Trump asks coronavirus task force to give up.” “Oh, GRACIOUS NO!” Brian Seltzer screamed at the camera. “Would you look at what that says on the screen?! It basically says—Trump has sentenced the…
President Donald Trump has tested negative for the coronavirus, according to a White House statement. However, members of the media pounced when the details of the report mentioned the President’s white blood cells. “Oh, I see,” quipped CNN’s Jim Acosta to the President. “Can Americans assume that your white blood cells are white as a…
