New Albany, OH — Abercrombie & Fitch will no longer be showcasing Donald Trump’s upcoming modeling campaign, the clothing company announced Saturday. The cancellation comes as fears mount that the President isn’t a creepy, liberal, hack Democrat groomer—something that is considered mandatory in the fashion industry. “He’s Hitler. And this time, we mean it,”…
Category: Trump
Snoop Dogg Disappointed With Trump’s Irresponsible Drug Use
MAR-A-LAGO, FL —After then-President Donald Trump announced he used Hydroxychloroquine, predictably, it was Snoop Dogg who spoke up to rebuke the ‘irresponsible’ drug use. “So Trump’s on that hydroxyl-quizzle? Way outta line if you ask this musician. Way outta line,” the rapper said in an Instagram video. Mr. Dogg continued, “What hurts the most is…
Star Witness Claims Democrats Have Cause to Arrest Trump beCAUSE They Hate Him
MANHATTAN, NY — In what ended up being a groundbreaking indictment, DA Alvin Braggs called regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper, Michael Scott, to testify. It has been rumored that Democrats have been weaponizing the powers of government to harass President Trump without proper cause. Then Michael Scott, fresh off a visit from his favorite…
NCAA: Trump U Destroys Crooked Hill College 145-44, Advance To Face Dominion Tech
HOUSTON, TX — Trump University easily beat Crooked Hill College Saturday night and has advanced to play Dominion Tech in the NCAA tournament. “I told these players if they joined our great school, they’d eventually get tired of winning, and that’s exactly what’s happening,” President Donald Trump said following the game. Crooked Hill entered the…
Little-Known Biden Staffer Encourages President To Give Speech On Psychotomimetic Trichotillomania
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has convinced the president to address psychotomimetic trichotillomania, a rare and psychotic desire to pull out one’s hair. “Listen, Joe. A lotta people are saying you should be talking about psychotomimetic trichotillomania, ok? Frankly, if I’m honest, you’ve sorta choked with the whole economy,…