Matt Walsh has been suspended from The Daily Wire after repeatedly disrupting Ben Shapiro’s show with a small UFO toy attached to a fishing pole. Walsh, who in recent months has been driven insane by reports of UFO sightings, has been desperate to convince Shapiro that aliens are real. “What in sweet heavens is that?”…
Category: Studies & Science
Biden Vows To Bring Murder Rates Down To Pre-BLM Levels
Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
CNN Slams George Washington For Probably Doing White Power Hand Gesture In Portrait
Hundreds of media members are demanding an apology from former President George Washington after assuming he made the white power hand gesture while posing for his famous portrait. CNN’s Oliver Darcy finished drawing the bombshell rendering on Wednesday, and it immediately set off a panic. “Well, this sure is rich,” Brian Stelter quipped. “Republicans run around making outrageous claims…
Villagers Perplexed Local Crocodile Is Still Hungry Despite Feeding It Their People
The few remaining villagers of the little-known tribe of MinnHeeHee [click] Sota of Botswana have started to grow worried in recent days. Their concern is that, no matter how many of their people they sacrifice to a local tyrannical crocodile, its hunger doesn’t seem to be satisfied. The locals explain that this particular massive and…
Kamala Harris: ‘People Who Assume Race And Gender Are Probably White Males’
Kamala Harris won’t stand for rude and lazy stereotypes. On Wednesday, she stood up for the interracial, non-gendered community in a big way. “Listen to me. Everyone stop covering your ears for a second, I’ve got most of the cackling out of my system. I want you to hear what I’m about to say,” Harris…