On Monday, California scuba diver, Richard McDoofis’ shark cage malfunctioned and he was sadly torn limb from limb by a mostly peaceful Great White Shark. Perhaps the saddest part is that the death was unnecessary. Several children were spotted twelve miles from the accident building sandcastles. Totally shark cageless. Naturally, this recklessness caused McDoofis’ cage to…
Category: Studies & Science
Study: Without Booster Shots, Pharmaceutical Companies Won’t Make A Crap Ton More Money
A new study is rocking the fake doctor community and Dr. Fauci is sounding the alarm. The study, sanctioned by the Land Rover Of Huntington Beach dealership next to the Pfizer headquarters, finds that without a never-ending stream of booster shots, pharmaceutical companies will likely not rake in a crap ton more money. “Some would say,…
NASA's Mars Rover Finds First Microaggression On Red Planet
On Sunday afternoon, the hundreds of Apollo Mission Control employees erupted with excitement when the Mars Rover discovered the first microaggressions on the distant planet. It’s been well documented that planet Earth had run bone-dry of new aggressions–even the microscopic ones. Because the fate of the Democrat party relies on this precious source of energy, it…
Science Forced To Reschedule Mandates Until After Obama’s Birthday Party
With a loud booming voice that oddly sounded like it was coming from DNC headquarters, Science™ spoke and said it’s time to triple mask and limit home gatherings to 500 people. But Science™ accidentally made the rookie mistake by not first running its findings by Obama’s party planning committee. “You tell Science™ it needs to reschedule. Before…
Extremely Rare All-White Humpback Spotted, Immediately Shot By Antifa
Just one in one million humpback whales are completely white, and marine scientists were thrilled to spot one in the East Bay near Oakland on Wednesday. Naturally, a member of the Oakland Antifa chapter shot the whale directly in the blowhole the moment it breached the surface. Many believed the researchers provoked the shooting after…