WASHINGTON, DC – Federal officials acknowledge a mysterious link between whistleblowers proving Joe Biden’s crimes and UFO sightings, John Kirby informed Monday. Kirby, famous for making a super-serious face to compensate for his ridiculous last name, grew frustrated at the press for overlooking the recent other-worldly sightings. “Sir, we have 4K footage of a father/son…
Category: Studies & Science
Extremely Rare All-White Humpback Spotted, Immediately Shot By BLM
SAN FRANCISCO, CA–Just one in one million humpback whales are completely white, and marine scientists were thrilled to spot one in the East Bay near Oakland on Wednesday. Naturally, a member of the Oakland BLM chapter shot the whale directly in the blowhole the moment it breached the surface. Many believed the researchers provoked the…
Study: Without Booster Shots, Pharmaceutical Companies Won’t Make A Crap Ton More Money
A new study is rocking the fake doctor community, and Dr. Fauci is sounding the alarm. The study, sanctioned by the Land Rover Of Huntington Beach dealership next to the Pfizer headquarters, finds that without a never-ending stream of booster shots, pharmaceutical companies will likely not rake in a crap ton more money. “Some would say…
Discovery Channel To Replace Shark Week With Much Bloodier 'Hillary Week'
33 years ago, The Discovery Channel debuted Shark Week, a weeklong set of programming showcasing the captivating deep-sea hunters. But in a stunning announcement on Thursday, Shark Week is being replaced with Hillary Week. “Listen, people are fascinated by sharks because of the danger they pose,” Director of Programming, Nathan Kavanaugh, told The Glorious American.…
NASA's Mars Rover Finds First Microaggression On Red Planet
HOUSTON, TX–On Monday afternoon, the hundreds of Apollo Mission Control employees erupted with excitement when the Mars Rover discovered the first microaggressions on the distant planet. It’s been well documented that planet Earth had run bone-dry of new aggressions–even the microscopic ones. Because the fate of the Democrat party relies on this precious source of energy,…