Kids Not Wearing Shark Cages On Beach Cause Scuba Diver’s Shark Cage To Fail

Kids Not Wearing Shark Cages On Beach Cause Scuba Diver’s Shark Cage To Fail

On Monday, California scuba diver, Richard McDoofis’ shark cage malfunctioned and he was sadly torn limb from limb by a mostly peaceful Great White Shark. Perhaps the saddest part is that the death was unnecessary. Several children were spotted twelve miles from the accident building sandcastles.  Totally shark cageless. Naturally, this recklessness caused McDoofis’ cage to…

Science Forced To Reschedule Mandates Until After Obama’s Birthday Party

Science Forced To Reschedule Mandates Until After Obama’s Birthday Party

With a loud booming voice that oddly sounded like it was coming from DNC headquarters, Science™ spoke and said it’s time to triple mask and limit home gatherings to 500 people. But Science™ accidentally made the rookie mistake by not first running its findings by Obama’s party planning committee. “You tell Science™ it needs to reschedule. Before…