Despite having 50 years to let it go, feminists and progressives are still fuming at the flag the men of NASA chose to plant on the Moon. “It’s an outrage,” Elizabeth Alpert told The Glorious American. “That horrible flag is what’s holding women back from our own Moon adventures. Seriously, most women are unwavering rule…
Category: Studies & Science

Bombshell: Mitch McConnell’s Ancestors Were Abusive Towards Dinosaurs
Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, who recently gave Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom only “2 Turtles”, may have done so due to a conflict of interest on the matter. In a recent bombshell report by NBC News, it appears Mitch McConnell’s great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather may have been abusive towards dinosaurs. “While the exact details are fuzzy, cave…

Clippy Saves Clintons Again, This Time Writes Letter Distancing Couple From Jeffrey Epstein
After the horrifying crimes of Jeffery Epstein were revealed Monday, the Clintons did the super normal thing by scrambling to a computer to quickly write a detailed account of what they didn’t know. “What the waaaa?” Bill began the letter. “Jeffery WHO??” he continued on. It was then that Clippy, Microsoft’s virtual office assistant, knew…

California Earthquake Shakes Loose Twelve More Taxes, Lawmakers Rejoice
When mother nature strikes, it’s rare she brings good news. However, that was the case when California lawmakers awoke Thursday morning. “Would you believe the earthquake shook free a dozen new taxes?” Gavin Newsom said. “This is great news!” He yelled pumping his fist. Before the quake, the 12 new taxes were stuck in gridlock…

Local Cat Informs Sleep Number Store No Number Will Work For Him
A local house cat has informed Sleep Number that no matter how they adjust the firmness of the mattress, there’s just no number that will work for him. “I’ve been here for 6 years and I’ve never seen this,” said Sleep Number rep Jake Coleman. “I would go softer, and he would just scowl. I’d…