WASHINGTON, DC—For those in need of some positive economic news, fictional president Joe Biden will mandate a lockdown of all businesses for one day starting on Tuesday. When asked, Biden said the stay-at-home order was because “The monkey pop is coming, and no one’s butt is safe.” But skeptics believe the real reason was given…
Category: Biden
Fall Is Here: Pumpkin Spice-Scented Children Presented To Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC — For decades, the little-known tradition of Joe Biden sniffing pumpkin spice-scented children has been how Washington residents know fall is here. So, on Tuesday, the White House staff returned to normalcy by throwing all the kids who smelled like ‘summer beach’ out the back door to make room for the festive fall…
FBI Accidentally Grants Trump Immunity From Everything After He Buys One Of Hunter’s Paintings
Mar-a-Lago, FL— It was a simple plan. In fact, many were surprised it wasn’t thought of sooner. Everyone knew Hunter Biden was selling his paintings in exchange for the DOJ and FBI to look the other way on horrifying crimes. And while Donald Trump doesn’t have any crimes to worry about, he is lousy with…
Kamala Harris Cancels Joe Biden’s Class On ‘Becoming An Alpha Male’ Again
WASHINGTON, DC – If you were planning on attending former president Joe Biden’s ‘Becoming an Alpha Male’ course, it looks like you’ll have to reschedule again. For the sixth time this month, Kamala Harris has put the kibosh on the class. “Nope. Not happening today, Joe. Too many birds out,” Harris informed her boss. “And…
Joe Biden Lands Endorsement Deal With Little-Known 4-Minute Energy
WASHINGTON, DC — In a play to prove he’s anything but “Sleepy Joe,” Joe Biden has signed an endorsement deal with 4-Minute Energy. Not only will the fictional president have an extra $2,000 in his pocket, but he is also planning on bringing a 50-pack to his next public appearance so he can let Donald…