Promises Kept: Biden Unites Nation As Everyone Rallies Around How Stupid He Is

Promises Kept: Biden Unites Nation As Everyone Rallies Around How Stupid He Is

Promises made. Promises kept. That’s what Americans everywhere are saying this morning as they join hands and sing together like at the end of The Grinch movie. “Good morning, white male in the MAGA hat,” a liberal Democrat was heard cheerfully greeting a fellow Republican. “Joe Biden is sure acting stupid again today, wouldn’t you say?” “I…

Joe Biden Urges All Women To Wear Condoms While They Figure Out This Whole Roe Vs. Wade Thing

Joe Biden Urges All Women To Wear Condoms While They Figure Out This Whole Roe Vs. Wade Thing

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the recent Supreme Court leak, America is facing so many unknowns. Can the government make you raise a child? Who can we kill? What is a uterus? No one knows any of this stuff anymore. So, while Democrats are figuring out Roe vs. Wade, Joe Biden is urging all women to wear condoms. “When I heard Roo versus..uhhh..…

Joe Biden Insists On Pardoning Johnny Depp’s Ex-Wife For Pooping In Bed

Joe Biden Insists On Pardoning Johnny Depp’s Ex-Wife For Pooping In Bed

WASHINGTON, DC–Despite his staff telling him no crime was committed, fictional president Joe Biden is insisting Johnny Depp’s ex-wife, Amber Heard receive a pardon for pooping in the bed. “Her actions were so normal and natural–no joke. I mean c’mon man, we’ve all roll played. Jimmy Derp was Charlie and the broad was playing the chocolate factory!” Joe told…

Little-Known Biden Staffer Encourages President To Give Speech On Psychotomimetic Trichotillomania

Little-Known Biden Staffer Encourages President To Give Speech On Psychotomimetic Trichotillomania

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A little-known, and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has convinced the president to address psychotomimetic trichotillomania, a rare and psychotic desire to pull out one’s hair.    “Listen, Joe. A lotta people are saying you should be talking about psychotomimetic trichotillomania, ok? Frankly, if I’m honest, you’ve sorta choked with the whole economy,…

Footage Of Joe Biden Talking About Kids Touching His Leg Hair Used To Slow Migrant Surge

Footage Of Joe Biden Talking About Kids Touching His Leg Hair Used To Slow Migrant Surge

EL PASO, TX–The Biden administration is still dumbfounded that the promise of free healthcare, education, and cash hasn’t slowed the surge of illegal immigrants.  Therefore, the frustrated border control team has set up a horrifying visual deterrent.  Playing on a loop, footage of Joe Biden talking about kids playing with his leg hair is now…