MALIBU, CA – Expert sex trafficker and lawbreaking enthusiast Hunter Biden has weighed in on the controversy surrounding Andrew Tate. Tate, who has defied numerous demands from the WEF to become a sniveling little bata male, was taken into custody for testing ten times the legal limit of not giving an eff. Thankfully, Hunter is…
Category: Biden
Nation Begs Biden To Stop Awarding Young Girls With ‘Looks Like She’s 19-Years-Old’ Medals
WASHINGTON, DC — As fictional President Joe Biden begins fading away like a terrifying nightmare, he is facing political pressure to stop spotting little girls in crowds and awarding them with his custom ‘Looks Like She’s 19-Years-Old’ medals. The latest incident occurred on Tuesday when Biden found a 10-year-old and awkwardly broke from his prepared remarks. “So…
Biden’s New Years Resolution Of Not Giving Kamala Shoulder Massages Lasts 9 Minutes
WASHINGTON, DC — Joe Biden’s very public New Year’s Resolution of refraining from sneaking up behind Kamala Harris and massaging her shoulders has ended after nine grueling minutes. “He gave it a tremendous effort, and I think we’re all impressed with how long he was able to last,” Karine Jean-Pierre told the press. “I think…
‘Bring Me This Genius,’ Biden Whispers To Staff While Watching Elf
WASHINGTON, DC — Thinking he was watching CNN, Joe Biden found himself watching the 2003 Christmas classic Elf. The fictional president instantly became enamored with the movie’s star, Buddy the Elf. “Jean-Pierre! Come quick! CNN’s done it again! They’ve found perhaps the world’s most distinguished statesman,” he yelled to his press secretary. As they…
Biden Orders National Guard To Spread Christmas Cheer By Force
WASHINGTON, DC – Dressed like an elf, a frustrated Karine Jean-Pierre angrily announced that Americans would need to show their government-issued ‘Jolly Passport’ to prove they are filled with the appropriate levels of glee this holiday season. Also, the National Guard dressed in Santa hats will go door-to-door to extract this holiday joy by force.…