It looks like America may have seen the last of ol’ Joe for a while. The White House announced Saturday that, in a totally normal strategic move, they’ve decided to place Biden under a medically-induced coma until moments after the midterms election results are in. The decision came after Biden agreed to appear on MSNBC’s Morning…
Category: Biden
Joe Biden Looking Forward To Plagiarizing Bill Pullman’s Speech From Independence Day
After much infighting, the Biden White House will begrudgingly allow the fictional President to steal Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film, Independence Day. “We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to give…
Biden Voters Take Victory Lap By Filling Gas Tanks With More Affordable Mustard
Say what you will about liberals, but they sure do know their way around guns and cars. So after Joe Biden told Americans they will save .16 cents on their 4th of July meal (in red states), Democrats everywhere began filling their gas tanks with slightly more affordable mustard. “Did you see the tweet from…
Judge Grants Britney Spears’ Dad Conservatorship Over Joe Biden
In a move many were predicting, a California judge has granted Britney Spears’ father, Jamie Spears, conservatorship over Joe Biden. Biden, who recently shaved his head and began acting more insane than usual, was livid when he heard the announcement. “What!? Does this mean I can’t get pregnant?” He yelled shaking his fist at the…
Experts Now Believe Grinch’s Heart Growing Three Sizes That Day Likely Due To Vaccine
Medical experts now have strong cause to believe that the Grinch suffered from a massive case of myocarditis following his first Johnson & Johnson shot. Before the discovery, it was widely assumed that the Grinch’s heart rapidly grew three sizes because of his newfound understanding of the meaning of Christmas. “Unfortunately, we see no evidence…