In what many are calling overly generous, the Biden administration is mailing struggling Americans a 2’ x 3’ sheet of plywood in place of stimulus cash. With plywood only days away from becoming more valuable than gold, the decision might be a brilliant one. “Jen, why plywood? Why not give Americans regular dollars?” a reporter…
Category: Biden
Biden Inspires Confidence In Vaccine By Softly Weeping Over Misplacing His Mask For Five Seconds
Pfizer was not too happy with Joe Biden on Monday after he began softly weeping due to misplacing his trusty mask. Speaking at a ceremony intended to reduce vaccine hesitancy, a fully vaccinated Biden approached the podium and started to panic. “Oh, no. Son of a dog-faced pony, I can’t find my mask!” Biden screamed…
Mafia Renames Hideout ‘Hunter’s Laptop’ To Avoid FBI Suspicion
Desperate to stay off the Fed’s radar, the mob has scrapped their AstroTurf installation front and simply renamed their hideout ‘Hunter’s Laptop.’ The storefront is located in Newark’s Westgate Shopping Center and the FBI refuses to come within fifty miles of the new shop. To show how safe the new business name keeps them; Mickey…
Biden: 'We Must Destroy This Nation, But We Must Do It Together'
In his first address as Fictional President, Joe Biden delivered an inspirational message to the twenty-nine American people who tuned in. “Now listen, Chuck, the polling is clear; we all agree that this nation must be destroyed. But folks, we must do it together,” Biden finished with a whisper. Once destroyed, Fig Newtons would become…
Footage Of Joe Biden Talking About Kids Touching His Leg Hair Used To Slow Migrant Surge
The Biden administration is still dumbfounded that the promise of free healthcare, education, and cash hasn’t slowed the surge of illegal immigrants. Therefore, the frustrated border control team has set up a horrifying visual deterrent. Playing on a loop, footage of Joe Biden talking about kids playing with his leg hair is now being projected…
