WASHINGTON, DC – On Tuesday, fictional president Joe Biden gave Americans another graphic reminder of how badly guns can hurt one’s body. “The idea, THE IDEA that you need a militia of deer in kevlar vests to overthrow the Guantanamo military is… well, that actually sounds like a great idea, but it’s not the point, damn…
Category: Biden
Promises Kept: Biden Unites Nation As Everyone Rallies Around How Stupid He Is
Promises made. Promises kept. That’s what Americans everywhere are saying this morning as they join hands and sing together like at the end of The Grinch movie. “Good morning, white male in the MAGA hat,” a liberal Democrat was heard cheerfully greeting a fellow Republican. “Joe Biden is sure acting stupid again today, wouldn’t you say?” “I…
Joe Biden Urges All Women To Wear Condoms While They Figure Out Roe
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the recent Supreme Court decision, America is facing so many unknowns. Can the government make you raise a child? What is a uterus? Who are we allowed to kill? No one knows any of this stuff anymore. So, while Democrats are figuring out Roe vs. Wade, Joe Biden is urging all women to wear condoms. “When I…
Little-Known Biden Staffer Encourages President To Give Speech On Psychotomimetic Trichotillomania
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A little-known, and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has convinced the president to address psychotomimetic trichotillomania, a rare and psychotic desire to pull out one’s hair. “Listen, Joe. A lotta people are saying you should be talking about psychotomimetic trichotillomania, ok? Frankly, if I’m honest, you’ve sorta choked with the whole economy,…
Footage Of Joe Biden Talking About Kids Touching His Leg Hair Used To Slow Migrant Surge
EL PASO, TX–The Biden administration is still dumbfounded that the promise of free healthcare, education, and cash hasn’t slowed the surge of illegal immigrants. Therefore, the frustrated border control team has set up a horrifying visual deterrent. Playing on a loop, footage of Joe Biden talking about kids playing with his leg hair is now…