ATLANTA, GA— On Tuesday morning, a shaken-up CNN intern was seen writing a large zero on a sign that read “Days since Jeffrey Toobin accidentally masturbated to an unsuspecting audience.” Yes, it was a horribly graphic Monday night after Lubin’ Toobin (as he’s referred to in the industry) felt as if he was all alone…
Category: Media & Tech
Trump: Mandatory Tucker Carlson Curriculum Added To All Daycares
WASHINGTON, DC –– Effective January 20th, Donald Trump will kick off Operation Mother Tucker, a mandate that requires all daycare centers in America to air a daily, five-hour Tucker Carlson curriculum for the children to consume. A polite program has been underway for weeks and is showing promising results. “We’ve seen so much overreach from the…
David French: 'The Conservative Case For Colorful Fentanyl Tablets Mixed In With Your Kid's Halloween Candy'
David French, a guest contributor, wrote the following piece: It’s been a few years since I famously called drag queen story hour a ‘blessing of liberty.’ The comment ruffled some feathers, but real conservatives like Lindsey Graham still greet me with a warm, multi-minute embrace. Therefore, I’d say that remark is aging like a fine…
CNN Slams George Washington For Probably Doing White Power Hand Gesture In Portrait
ATLANTA, GA – Hundreds of media members are demanding an apology from former President George Washington after assuming he made the white power hand gesture while posing for his famous portrait. CNN’s Oliver Darcy finished drawing the bombshell rendering on Friday, and it immediately set off a panic. “Well, this sure is rich,” Jake Tapper quipped. “Republicans run around…
Howard Stern: ‘How Dare Joe Rogan Broadcast Inappropriate Things’
MANHATTAN, NY— Months ago, Joe Rogan told his audience to “vote Republican,” a crime punishable by over ten years in prison by the FCC. This has made Howard Stern, who has always loved and respected the FCC, very unhappy. “This Rogan guy, I’m not sure he’s a good boy. He strikes me as somewhat of a…