Menlo Park, CA– After stumbling across a video of President Donald Trump hitting a golf ball that eventually smacks Hillary Clinton in the back of the head, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg made the startling observation that the conservatives he hates so much are actually the coolest people in the world.
Reportedly, Zuckerberg went into a multiday rabbit hole of watching these types of videos–mostly the ones ending with little sunglasses and a blunt appearing on Trump’s head after he owns a media member.
This led to the Facebook CEO gathering his top programmers and announcing some shocking changes to how META operates.
“Alright, listen up, you stupid pack of…libtards,” Zuckerberg said, glancing at his notes. “Did anyone else here know that conservatives were all total badasses? Why aren’t they having fun on Facebook?!
After several moments of silence, someone slowly raised their hand.
“Yes, you–who’s raising your hand like a scared snowflake f**,” Zuckerberg said, smiling and pleased with his new persona.
“The conservatives are not having fun on Facebook because we spend 93% of our budget finding and removing their memes, sir. We spend so much on that, we can’t even afford chairs,” she said, pointing to everyone sitting on the conference room floor.
“Well, that ends today,” Zuckerberg said. “I demand we immediately take a freedom approach. I’m talking Andrew-Tate-playing-quarterback-for-the-Dallas-Cowboys-while-not-wearing-a-mask type freedom!”
Bitter with their bosses’ new attitude, the Facebook engineers simply added a link to X.com and continued to kick the conservatives into Facebook jail behind Zuckerberg’s back.
(Don’t forget to follow us on X @TheGloriousA)
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