Budget Reluctantly Passed Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

Budget Reluctantly Passed Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons

WASHINGTON, DC — After months of partisan bickering, a continuing resolution is done.  “But without the 12.2 billion needed for raccoons struggling with their weight,” a fuming Nancy Pelosi muttered. “As important as it is to put food on the tables for American citizens, it’s equally important to remove some food from our nation’s raccoons,”…

Biden Offers China 50% Off American Manufacturing With Huge Cyber Monday Sale

Biden Offers China 50% Off American Manufacturing With Huge Cyber Monday Sale

WASHINGTON, DC — When Joe Biden learned that Donald Trump brought too many of those pesky manufacturing jobs back to America, the fictional president extended China a killer Cyber Monday deal. During Monday’s ‘Make America Second Rate Again’ call, Biden extended the offer:  “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but you can have 50% off Michelin Tires…

White House Gift Shop Now Selling ‘Inflation Is A Myth’ Hoodies For $289

White House Gift Shop Now Selling ‘Inflation Is A Myth’ Hoodies For $289

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The popular ‘inflation is a myth’ hoodie has returned to the online White House gift shop, but this time it costs $289.  Despite their rich history of being unaware of things, Democrats shoppers actually noticed the price jump. The White House was forced to release the following statement regarding the sweatshirt: “Some have noticed a mostly peaceful…