WASHINGTON, DC—For those in need of some positive economic news, fictional president Joe Biden will mandate a lockdown of all businesses for one day starting on Tuesday. When asked, Biden said the stay-at-home order was because “The monkey pop is coming, and no one’s butt is safe.” But skeptics believe the real reason was given…
Category: Economic
AOC: ‘The Invisible Hand Of The Free Market Touched Me’
WASHINGTON, DC – The free market’s invisible hand is in major trouble after Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez claims it touched her inappropriately. “It was late, and I was coming home from a fundraiser that hopes to ban the minimum wage. Whenever there’s a minimum found, we would ban it. No one deserves the minimum–only the maximum. Anyways,…
Zillow Adds Warning To Homes In Democrat-Run Cities
SEATTLE, WA — Prospective homebuyers will finally get the most critical piece of information when browsing on Zillow, the popular online real estate app. This week, the company announced that all property sold in a Democrat-run city would feature a warning icon informing shoppers that the home will likely be taken over by the homeless…
Kamala Harris Vows To Bring Back Manufacturing And Womanufacturing Jobs
WASHINGTON, DC – On Wednesday, Kamala Harris virtue signaled so hard she nearly brought down a nearby 747 airliner. Harris’s latest signal that radiated forth was her new commitment to bringing back both manufacturing and womanufacturing jobs. “As Democrats have shown, China and Mexico can have those stinky manufacturing jobs. But they can never take…
Harris Campaign Now Selling ‘Inflation Is A Myth’ Hoodies For $289
WASHINGTON, D.C.–The Harris campaign is now selling the popular ‘Inflation is a myth’ hoodie on their website gift shop, and it only costs $289. Despite their rich history of being unaware of things, Democrat shoppers have actually noticed the large price tag. The White House was forced to release the following statement regarding the sweatshirt: “Some have…