WASHINGTON, DC – On Wednesday, Kamala Harris virtue signaled so hard she nearly brought down a nearby 747 airliner. Harris’s latest signal that radiated forth was her new commitment to bringing back both manufacturing and womanufacturing jobs.
“As Democrats have shown, China and Mexico can have those stinky manufacturing jobs. But they can never take our womanufacturing jobs!” she yelled to a smattering of applause.
Womanufacturing, Kamala explained, is an untapped, multi-trillion-dollar industry for feminists and birthing people of all shapes and sizes.
“Let me tell all you Neanderthals how this works. Women get up in the morning, they post an Instagram picture of them doing the ‘We can do it!’ pose, and then they head over to the job… place. Where they begin to… facture things,” she said in an uneasy tone. “They’ll be paid five times more than men. You know, because of equality. But here’s the best part—because they’re women, they’ll do the job in such a kind and gentle way.”
“What about 2,000-pound industrial sewage pipes?” a Trump supporter in the crowd yelled.
“YOU SHUT THE HELL UP, OR I’LL SICK THE DOJ ON YOUR ASS SO FAST!” Harris screamed as her aids held her back. “And besides, those sound totally gross and made up. No one would ever dream of facturing such ghastly things,” she said, collecting herself.
After feeling a bit uneasy about this new proclamation, Kamala did what any savvy politician would do. She doubled down and drafted new legislation mandating that 85% of all manufacturing jobs be converted to womanufacturing effective immediately.
Update: 85% of men just identified as women, and all of them had their jobs back by 9:45 am.
Give Us Story Ideas
