A local house cat has informed Sleep Number that no matter how they adjust the firmness of the mattress, there’s just no number that will work for him. “I’ve been here for 6 years and I’ve never seen this,” said Sleep Number rep Jake Coleman. “I would go softer, and he would just scowl. I’d…
Category: Economic
Trump Threatens To Slash Funding For The War On Women
On Tuesday President Trump hinted the next federal budget could drastically slash funding for the War on Women. “This is an outrage,” said Senator Chuck Schumer. “The War on Women is a time-honored tradition that hundreds of Democrats rely on! It needs more funding! Not less!” he screamed on the Senate floor. People close to…
Children Now Fear Rich Not Paying Fair Share More Than Monster Under Bed
In a recent survey of the nation’s children, rich folks not paying their fair share have leapfrogged monsters under the bed in their list of fears. “I used to sit in bed and be afraid of the boogeyman,” said 7-year-old Emily Trent. “But now I’m scared of the 1% skirting payment for their fair share.…
Bernie Sanders Angry To Learn His Credit Score Is: Potato
On Tuesday Bernie Sanders checked his credit score and was outraged to learn it was: Potato. “Potato?!” the senator yelled. “I knew it!” A representative at FICO told The Glorious American they were unsure how a potato became an option for Sanders, but when they entered in his info, the score came back “potato” every…