MONTPELIER, VT – While trying to relax in another freshly purchased lake house, Bernie Sanders was again irritated with another big corporation. This week, it was the Visa Credit Card company. The Senator was first alerted to the harassment by his $6.32-an-hour-earning assistant. “Excuse me, Mr. Sanders? I think you should really take a look…
Category: Economic
Woke Bank Makes Good On Climate Pledge By Turning Off Their Lights Forever
SANTA CLARA, CA – The brilliant business titans over at Silicon Valley Bank have decided to take a major stand on global warming after they realized they had no more money. In a touching Twitter post, the bank wrote: “Effective immediately, all 17 of our branches will courageously switch off all their lights. Forever. But…
Target Introduces ‘Democrat Only’ Self-Checkout Line Where They Just Run Out Without Paying
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — What proved to be a successful pilot program over the summer, Target stores are pleased to roll out their new ‘Democrat only’ self-checkout lines nationwide. The large retail store boasts the new line will be a handy way for loyal Democrats to simply sprint out of the building without the tedious and…
Biden Comforts His Base With A Promise Of ‘A Chicken In Every Pot And A Noose In Every Garage’
WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats everywhere keep getting deflated to learn hate crime after hate crime turns out to be a hoax. Joe Biden, known for his deep political savvy, detected his loyal base is craving horrible racist acts more than ever. So the fictional president is acting. “The supply and demand of real racism is…
As Racial Tensions Flare, Realtors Brace For Extra Business From BLM Leaders
MEMPHIS, TN –Despite purchasing over a dozen homes this year, the good folks running Black Lives Matter Inc. still find themselves flush with too much cash. And now, with more racial tension hitting the streets, another windfall of cash is hitting their bank accounts. Naturally, real estate agents everywhere are worried they might be slammed…