WASHINGTON, DC – In need of a little positive economic news, fictional president Joe Biden will mandate all businesses lockdown for one day starting on Tuesday. When asked, Biden said the stay-at-home order was because “The monkey pop is coming, and no one’s butt is safe.” But skeptics believe the real reason was given at…
Category: Economic
Budget Reluctantly Passed Without Fully Funding Liposuction For Overweight Raccoons
WASHINGTON, DC — After months of partisan bickering, a continuing resolution is done. “But without the 12.2 billion needed for raccoons struggling with their weight,” a fuming Nancy Pelosi muttered. “As important as it is to put food on the tables for American citizens, it’s equally important to remove some food from our nation’s raccoons,”…
Biden Offers China 50% Off American Manufacturing With Huge Cyber Monday Sale
WASHINGTON, DC — When Joe Biden learned that Donald Trump brought too many of those pesky manufacturing jobs back to America, the fictional president extended China a killer Cyber Monday deal. During Monday’s ‘Make America Second Rate Again’ call, Biden extended the offer: “I can’t believe I’m doing this, but you can have 50% off Michelin Tires…
Mattress Store Boasts ‘Trump Era’ Retail Price In Record-Breaking Sale
MEDFORD, OR – Mattress shoppers at Southern Oregon’s Quality Sleep miss the low prices they enjoyed during the Donald Trump presidency. So owners Dale and Grant brought them back. “I remember in 2019 we had lines. And not the Hunter Biden kind, I’m talking about lines out the door,” Dale said. “But now, under Biden, a pillow…
White House Gift Shop Now Selling ‘Inflation Is A Myth’ Hoodies For $289
WASHINGTON, D.C.–The popular ‘inflation is a myth’ hoodie has returned to the online White House gift shop, but this time it costs $289. Despite their rich history of being unaware of things, Democrats shoppers actually noticed the price jump. The White House was forced to release the following statement regarding the sweatshirt: “Some have noticed a mostly peaceful…