WASHINGTON, D.C.–Some curious news came out of Democrat circles this Valentine’s Day. Apparently, the party has reluctantly conceded that love is not capable of being taxed. However, they are proposing a 13% tax rate should that ever change.
“Listen, I’m a huge believer in love, in theory,” Schumer began. “In fact, I hope someday legislation is passed that will force someone to love me. But you know what lovers desire more than one another? Infrastructure. Solar. Wind,” he whispered seductively.
As members of the press slowly reached for their pepper spray, Pelosi felt the need to jump in and stop Schumer from talking. “People, look at Chuck, AND NO LAUGHING THIS TIME!” She said, pointing at him. “Look how miserable he looks! We need this tax, for heaven’s sake!”
New York Times economists released a study showing a 13% love tax would be the perfect rate to levy on American couples. However, by the time they published the report, they then argued it should be raised to 26%.
Update: The Democrats have convinced Justice John Roberts that love is, in fact, taxable.
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