WASHINGTON, D.C. — A little-known and devastatingly handsome Biden staffer has convinced the president to address psychotomimetic trichotillomania, a rare and psychotic desire to pull out one’s hair. “Listen, Joe. A lotta people are saying you should be talking about psychotomimetic trichotillomania, ok? Frankly, if I’m honest, you’ve sorta choked with the whole economy,…
Category: Biden
Source: Joe Biden Devastated To Learn About Videotape
WASHINGTON, DC — A source close to the Biden campaign is reporting the fictional president is horrified to learn about the video camera. In particular, Joe is livid to learn about how these devices can capture a politician’s statements and be recalled at a later date. “They do WHAT?” Biden could be heard yelling in…
Fresh Shipment Of Adderall To White House Suggests Biden Will Be President Another Week
WASHINGTON, DC — A massive delivery of Adderall to the White House has alerted the nation that Joe Biden will be President for at least another week. Biden, who pours the pills into a large popcorn bag and consumes them by the fistful, was joyful shortly after ripping into the shipment. “Good afternoon, friends and lovers!”…
‘Go On Ahead Without Me,’ Biden Yells Standing Against Wall With Sweatshirt Wrapped Around Waist
POLAND –Unfortunately for Democrats, the nickname ‘Sloppy Joe’ is catching on as many suspect the president had another accident in his pants. This time in a while in Ukraine, handing blank checks to Zelenskyy. “Ya know what?” Joe yelled to his handlers while wrapping a sweatshirt around his waist. “Why don’t you go on ahead without me? I…
Biden Comforts His Base With A Promise Of ‘A Chicken In Every Pot And A Noose In Every Garage’
WASHINGTON, DC — Democrats everywhere keep getting deflated to learn hate crime after hate crime turns out to be a hoax. Joe Biden, known for his deep political savvy, detected his loyal base is craving horrible racist acts more than ever. So the fictional president is acting. “The supply and demand of real racism is…