WASHINGTON, DC — For decades, the little-known tradition of Joe Biden sniffing pumpkin spice-scented children has been how Washington residents know fall is here.
So, on Tuesday, the White House staff returned to normalcy by throwing all the kids who smelled like ‘summer beach’ out the back door to make room for the festive fall versions.
But like so many things, this administration screwed up the ceremonial transition by accidentally ushering in a half dozen children with a bunch of Parmesan cheese in their hair.
“HEY! Those are mine!” Hunter Biden screamed as he intercepted the kids.
Soon, the correct-smelling children were presented to the president, and he promptly claimed he was “as happy as a gay labradoodle at Gitmo.”
It was Fox’s Peter Doocy who informed Joe Biden that polling shows Americans don’t find this habit touching.
“I know that. No one will find the touching. I was told those tapes were destroyed long ago!” a chipper Biden yelled back.
The televised moment seemed to catch the ire of Donald Trump, who released one of his memos:
“I can’t believe they’re still feeding small children to Sleepy, Creepy Joe like he’s a perverted crocodile. Even worse than the one at the Tampa Zoo. And for the record, I was not leaning too far over the ledge despite what that nasty employee said! Anyway, he’s one sick puppy, and we must stop him from sniffing kids! At least let the children hang out with Kamala Harris or something. Actually, no. On second thought, I don’t want to be cruel.“
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