WASHINGTON, DC – Federal officials acknowledge a mysterious link between whistleblowers proving Joe Biden’s crimes and UFO sightings, John Kirby informed Monday. Kirby, famous for making a super-serious face to compensate for his ridiculous last name, grew frustrated at the press for overlooking the recent other-worldly sightings. “Sir, we have 4K footage of a father/son…
Category: Biden
Secret Service Starting To Question Hunter Biden’s White House Christmas Decorations Last December
WASHINGTON, DC — We all remember the first family agreeing to let Ukrainian oil and gas expert, Hunter Biden decorate the White House last winter. But now, many secret service agents are questioning Hunter’s ‘winter wonderland’ theme. “We’re pretty sure he found a way to store over eight hundred pounds of crack cocaine all over…
Needing To Kill Russians Without Firing A Shot, Biden Asks Alec Baldwin To Go To Ukraine
WASHINGTON, D.C.– The White House is sending Alec ‘Hot Shot’ Baldwin to Ukraine after the administration decided they need to conquer Russia, without actually firing a weapon. “Allen! It’s me! Jill’s first lady’s brother, Joe Baldwin!” Biden began his call to the actor. “I need you on the first train to Ukraine! And pack your magic trigger…
‘Hail To The Chief’ Song To Be Replaced With The Benny Hill Theme Music For Remainder Of Biden Presidency
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After a dozen staffers spent ten minutes chasing Joe Biden around the Rose Garden before he somehow managed to fall up another flight of stairs last month, the White House has announced that the iconic “Hail to the Chief” anthem will be replaced with “The Benny Hill Theme Music” for the remainder…
Joe Biden Looking Forward To Plagiarizing Bill Pullman’s Speech From Independence Day
WASHINGTON, DC—After much infighting, the Biden White House will begrudgingly allow the fictional President to steal Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film, Independence Day. “We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to…