WASHINGTON, DC– Fictional President Joe Biden has graciously offered to hold down any children who might get a little squirmy during their vaccine shot.
During a Thursday COVID press conference, Dr. Fauci addressed concerns about the new vaccine. He mentioned that the hair growing on people’s palms is “probably normal,” and all children should get the shot first to “see if it works.”
“Really? My kids just hate shots,” a reporter said. “And the studies show that kids are not at risk.”
“Have I ever said something radical and perplexing and then later changed my mind?” an annoyed Fauci replied. “NOT ONCE!”
But after Biden heard the plight of the reporter, Joe slowly stood up and pushed Fauci away from the microphone. Then, with a thousand-yard stare, Joe Biden said, “I will be the one. I will hold your children down. I don’t care if I have to travel to every city in America and touch all the kids—I will rise to the occasion!”
“But you said you were going to lead Americans out of the great health crisis,” someone reminded him.
“No, Trump already did all that. Right now, the children need the steady hands of ol’ Uncle Joe,” Biden replied as his staff rushed the stage and carried him off.
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