Joe Biden Lands Endorsement Deal With Little-Known 4-Minute Energy

Joe Biden Lands Endorsement Deal With Little-Known 4-Minute Energy

WASHINGTON, DC — In a play to prove he’s anything but “Sleepy Joe,” Joe Biden has signed an endorsement deal with 4-Minute Energy.  Not only will the fictional president have an extra $2,000 in his pocket, but he is also planning on bringing a 50-pack to his next public appearance so he can let Donald Trump have it. 

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“Now, here’s the deal.  If that bully starts commenting on my…lack of…huh? Waaaa?” Biden tried to say before an aid poured another delicious Citrus-Lime 4-Minute Energy into his mouth.  “TRUMP’S A RACIST!” he screamed before blacking out.

For years, the little-known 4-Minute Energy company has struggled with insecurity and depression after rival 5-Hour Energy erupted as the industry leader.  

“Yeah, don’t ever bring up those [explicit]–EVER!  Sure, they might last longer, but we’ve now got America’s symbol of stamina—Joe [explicit]  Biden!” their twitching CEO told The Glorious American as he reflexively pounded another 4-Minute Energy bottle.    

After landing the president as spokesman, the whole 4-Minute Energy crew threw an energetic celebration, which lasted around four minutes.

Update:  Hunter Biden then arrived and rejuvenated the sluggish company party with another type of energy substance.  “WHAT IS THIS [explicit]?!” the CEO screamed while somehow clinging to the wall with his bare hands.  “WE GOTTA START USING IT!”  

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