33 years ago, The Discovery Channel debuted Shark Week, a weeklong set of programming showcasing the captivating deep-sea hunters. But in a stunning announcement on Thursday, Shark Week is being replaced with Hillary Week. “Listen, people are fascinated by sharks because of the danger they pose,” Director of Programming, Nathan Kavanaugh, told The Glorious American.…
Category: Studies & Science
AOC Labels Nuggets Players ‘Climate Deniers’ After Beating Heat
DENVER, CO — Basketball fans may have watched the NBA Finals conclude on Monday night, but Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez saw something very different. Seconds after Denver defeated Miami, the often confused Congresswoman tweeted her apparent disgust. “Uhhh. Did I just watch a group of NBA players dismiss the heat? I’ve always believed that heat is a…
Study: 89% Of Americans Don’t Have The Balls To Stop Using Gender-Specific Phrases
BOSTON, MA — Gender-specific phrases are insensitive and outdated. Yet according to a new Pew Research study, 89% of Americans lack the balls to stop using them. Even worse news, when confronted about their use of gender-centric phrases, a whopping 96% of them were total dicks about it. “I don’t understand it. We showed these numb…
Homeschooled Kids Baffled By Radical Pro-America Teachers
As millions of American children are now being homeschooled, many kids are dealing with the jarring transition to their radical pro-America teachers. “What is with Mr. Anderson?” 9-year-old Hanna Anderson sighed after another bizarre day being taught by her father. A normal school day for Hanna consisted of 1st-period math, which is the counting of…
Caveman Used Right To Free Healthcare To Heal After T-Rex Attack, Paleontologist Say
WYOMING – As brilliant geriatric socialists like Bernie Sanders have taught us, there is a universal right to free healthcare. So it was no surprise when Scientists at the University of Wyoming discovered evidence showing a caveman used this perk to recover from a T-Rex attack. The team of paleontologists uncovered an ancient hospital filing…