WYOMING – As brilliant geriatric socialists like Bernie Sanders have taught us, there is a universal right to free healthcare. So it was no surprise when Scientists at the University of Wyoming discovered evidence showing a caveman used this perk to recover from a T-Rex attack.
The team of paleontologists uncovered an ancient hospital filing cabinet and inside contained the file of Kror Uugson. Kror checked himself into a clinic around 51 BC, and despite only owning a small piece of cloth as pants, Mr. Uugson opted to use his right to healthcare for free, state-of-the-art medical attention.
“It’s just fascinating,” Senator Sanders commented. “We now have proof showing this primitive man, nearly dead from a Tyrannosaur, simply demanded the state step in for free care, and voila! He was stitched up and made a full recovery.”
Before this discovery, paleontologists fiercely debated whether dinosaurs were warm-blooded or cold-blooded.
“But now we’re all fighting over whether the cavemen used PPO or HMO plan,” a university professor said. “Secondly, was this a Homosapien, or perhaps a Bisapien? Maybe a Pansapien? We might never know.”
Update: Joe Biden, claiming he knew Mr. Uugson, has revealed Kror only died because he didn’t take the COVID vaccine.
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