“OK! I want the bouncy house over there and the piñata hung on that tree!” Nancy Pelosi yelled into a bullhorn. Like all Democratic leaders, Speaker Pelosi has been giddy with all the talk of a possible economic slump. Should the market slow, Washington Democrats are preparing for the biggest block party in D.C. history.…
Category: Trump
McDonald's Reminds President Trump To Stop Taking Air Force One Through Drive-Thru
While returning from a campaign event in North Carolina, President Trump and staff took Air Force One through a local McDonald’s drive-thru. “Ok. Let’s get the whole crew number fours!” Trump was heard yelling over the sound of the jet engine. While this particular North Carolina restaurant eventually served the President and staff, McDonald’s executives…
Trump Appoints The Charmin Bears To Head EPA
Donald Trump has appointed the Charmin Bears to run the Department of Environmental Protection Agency. The President’s reasoning for the appointment was simple; “Have you seen those bears clean?” Trump said in the press conference. “I mean, if they can clean our nation like they do those hineys, we’ll be in tremendous shape!” he concluded.…
Climatologists To Polar Bears In MAGA Hats: 'You’re Not Helping!'
Climatologists everywhere feel their message to the public is being diluted by a pack of Polar Bears wearing MAGA hats. “We want to make one thing clear to these awful Polar Bears,” said Professor Doug Thomas of University of Chicago. “You’re not helping!” he concluded. While scientists admit the polar bear population is increasing, they…
Trump Returns To Washington To Find Democrats Worshiping Large Golden Calf
Donald Trump returned from the UK to find that Washington Democrats had built a golden calf and were fervently worshiping it. “I leave for 3 days,” Trump sighed. “Can you believe this?” the President asked pointing out the window of Marine One. Initially, reports were that Trump was annoyed at the idol worship, but once…