Donald Trump has appointed the Charmin Bears to run the Department of Environmental Protection Agency. The President’s reasoning for the appointment was simple; “Have you seen those bears clean?” Trump said in the press conference. “I mean, if they can clean our nation like they do those hineys, we’ll be in tremendous shape!” he concluded.…
Category: Trump
Climatologists To Polar Bears In MAGA Hats: 'You’re Not Helping!'
Climatologists everywhere feel their message to the public is being diluted by a pack of Polar Bears wearing MAGA hats. “We want to make one thing clear to these awful Polar Bears,” said Professor Doug Thomas of University of Chicago. “You’re not helping!” he concluded. While scientists admit the polar bear population is increasing, they…
Trump Returns To Washington To Find Democrats Worshiping Large Golden Calf
Donald Trump returned from the UK to find that Washington Democrats had built a golden calf and were fervently worshiping it. “I leave for 3 days,” Trump sighed. “Can you believe this?” the President asked pointing out the window of Marine One. Initially, reports were that Trump was annoyed at the idol worship, but once…
Jim Acosta Children’s Book To Hit Shelves Next Week
Jim Acosta’s new children’s book, Trump’s an [EXPLICIT] and a Total [EXPLICIT] Idiot and a Total [EXPLICIT] [EXPLICIT] Who Needs to be Stopped, is set to hit bookstores next week. “I just knew I needed to share my creativity with our nation’s children,” Acosta said in a press release. “The book was supposed to center…
Ghost That Haunts The White House Diagnosed With Trump Derangement Syndrome
Several sources have revealed the Ghost that haunts The White House has been diagnosed with Trump Derangement Syndrome. White House physician Dr. Edwin Baylor stopped briefly to provide comment to the press. “What I can say is… It’s not good,” said Dr. Baylor with a discouraged tone. “This Ghost has a rich tradition of haunting…