In the middle of Wednesday’s impeachment chaos, Donald Trump was thrown the ultimate lifeline by an unlikely congressman.
Adam Schiff of all people, reassured the nation that President Trump is completely and undoubtedly innocent of all wrongdoing.
During an appearance on Anderson Cooper 360⁰, Schiff confidently looked into the camera and proclaimed “Donald Trump did wrongdoing! He did! IMPEACH!”
“Oh? Pencil Neck said that?” a local voter told The Glorious American during a survey. “Well, that’s great news!” He continued. “That means our President is proven to be an honorable man who conducts all White House business by the book. This is fantastic to hear!”
The phenomenon of Americans knowing that every word Adam Schiff says is untrue is remarkably powerful. Now, many in Washington believe Trump is completely exonerated.
Early Thursday morning, The President and Schiff exchanged the following Tweets:
Trump: “I just want to say THANK YOU to Congressman Adam shifty-Schiff. Such nice words from such a long-necked man!”
Schiff: “I think you’re a mean, corrupt man. Also, I just came from another secret meeting where I found PROOF you gave quid pro quo to Ukraine!
Trump: “You’re too kind! I have instructed my staff to send your office an Edible Arrangement!”