President Donald Trump has tested negative for the coronavirus, according to a White House statement. However, members of the media pounced when the details of the report mentioned the President’s white blood cells. “Oh, I see,” quipped CNN’s Jim Acosta to the President. “Can Americans assume that your white blood cells are white as a…
Category: Breaking News
Embarrassing! Elizabeth Warren Forgets to Begin Debate Answer With Made-up, Stupid Little Story
It was quite a gaffe from Elizabeth Warren on Friday night. In the recent Democratic debate, the Senator accidentally answered a moderator’s question without some made-up, stupid little story. As everyone knows, the long-standing Democrat tradition is to pretend that a recent exchange with a lowly peasant on the campaign trail showed them the answer…
DNC Instructs Pete Buttigieg to Just Claim He Won the 2020 General Election
In a puzzling move, the DNC has instructed Mayor Pete Buttigieg to go ahead and claim victory of the entire 2020 presidential election. “WOW! Can you believe it, you guys?!” Buttigieg yelled. “We just BEAT DONALD TRUMP!” the mayor proclaimed to a stunned New Hampshire crowd. Political pundits are praising the tactic citing that this…
Trump Says 'Snow is Terrific', Mitt Romney Tries To Melt It
When Media Matters uncovered a 1997 radio interview of Donald Trump saying: “Snow? Oh, it’s terrific. Believe me–just terrific,” it largely went unnoticed. However, when Mitt Romney heard the clip, he sprung into action. “I think what we have here is a President who’s gone insane,” Romney softly said to a gathering of press. “Snow?…
Warren Vows to Give Bisexual Miniature Horse Veto Power Over Secretary of Labor Pick
Speaking at an event in Cedar Rapids this week, Elizabeth Warren said: “For my Secretary of Labor, I insist on the input from someone with hooves. I think that’s obvious. And secondly, I no longer care what cisgender people think. I don’t trust ‘em,” she announced to a stunned Iowa crowd. “Now, that narrows it…