Don Lemon sent theologians scrambling again last night after explaining how “God is not above any of us.”
Lemon’s comments came during a bizarre on-air spat with Ben Shapiro.
“Ben, we disagree on a lot, but we can both agree that God is real, and so am I. Therefore, I am God. Correct?” Lemon asked.
“Uhh. No. That’s not correct. In fact, you’d better hope God isn’t judging us by our ratings, or else you might not exist in this life or any other,” Shapiro said in under one second.
“But Ben, God isn’t just some spiritual being sitting on high judging us, right?” Lemon asked. “In fact, CNN is reporting that God is not above any of us.”
“Oh. So much Journalisming, Don!” Shapiro snapped. “God is, in fact, perfect! And you—especially you, are not!”
“And you’re not perfect either, Ben!” Lemon fired back. “It looks like you’re trying to hide some balding by covering it with a little black shoulder pad.”
“It’s called a yamaka, you son of a [explicit]!” Ben yelled, leaping to strangle Lemon, but only breaking his laptop as it was a Zoom interview.
All of Ben‘s wisdom was erased shortly after, as Don Lemon’s next guest was Dr. Fauci. Both Fauci and Lemon quickly determined they were both gods and spent over twelve minutes quietly trying to move a coffee cup with their minds. The huge chunk of dead-air registered CNN’s highest ratings in over eighteen months.