On Wednesday, Vice President, Mike Pence, offered his opinion on the age-old question: “When does life begin?” “That’s easy,” Pence said to a reporter. “The moment that young man reaches for his gal’s hand, as soon as they hold, that’s when life begins” he informed. The press was taken aback and the VP was asked…
Category: Faith
Trump Returns To Washington To Find Democrats Worshiping Large Golden Calf
Donald Trump returned from the UK to find that Washington Democrats had built a golden calf and were fervently worshiping it. “I leave for 3 days,” Trump sighed. “Can you believe this?” the President asked pointing out the window of Marine One. Initially, reports were that Trump was annoyed at the idol worship, but once…
Waze Releases “Easter Egg Hunt” Edition To Get Quickest Route To Eggs
Children everywhere hope to trim valuable time off their Sunday Easter egg hunt by downloading the new egg-locating GPS edition offered by Waze. “Our innovative egg-finding technology will be a total game-changer,” the popular GPS service told The Glorious American. “This family tradition normally takes 10 to 15 minutes. We think this app can get…
Family Devastated By Raccoons’ 2-Star Review Of Their Trash
Brenda and Noah Heter were devastated to learn a pair of local raccoons left their trashcans a 2-star Yelp review Friday night. The raccoons also left a brutal paragraph that detailed the Heters’ shortcomings. “Probably the last time we eat at the Heters’ trash cans,” the raccoons wrote. “Most of their trash was stupid paper.”…
Highest Level Of Scientology Revealed To Be "House Cat"
A surprising revelation has been uncovered within the world of Scientology. According to a well-placed source with the church, the highest level a Scientologist can reach is “house cat.” “This explains why your average house cat will look at you the way he does,” the source explained. “To the untrained mind, the cat has done…