The Babylon Bee announced Monday that it would require all fans and Snopes fact-checkers to be “100% vaccinated” two weeks before clicking on any of their articles. “We don’t want a bunch of unclean thumbs scrolling around on our site,” CEO, Seth Dillon said. “We know our demo very well. If there was ever a bunch that…
Category: Faith
Don Lemon: ‘God Is Not Above Any Of Us’
Don Lemon sent theologians scrambling again last night after explaining how “God is not above any of us.” Lemon’s comments came during a bizarre on-air spat with Ben Shapiro. “Ben, we disagree on a lot, but we can both agree that God is real, and so am I. Therefore, I am God. Correct?” Lemon asked.…
Chris Wallace Grills Biden: ‘Did It Hurt, Sir? When You Fell From Heaven?’
Fictional President Joe Biden entered the lion’s den this week when he appeared on Chris Wallace’s show. Wallace, who once applied sunscreen to Obama’s back so evenly it made Barack cry, didn’t hold back. “You know what, President Biden? Here at Fox, our ratings are low and people are demanding accountability more than ever. So…
Large California Family To Host Funeral For Turkey Famous For Social Justice Work
It’s with a heavy heart that The Glorious American informs the world that the turkey famous for his work as a social justice warrior, the Reverend Stuffy Gobbleson, sadly passed away this week. He was overweight, diabetic, and lived twice as long as a normal turkey, but many believe it was our racist and unjust nation that…
Government Promises To Give All Our Freedoms ‘Right Back’ After Virus
“You guys pinky swear you’ll give these back, right?” That’s what Americans are asking after the government abolished their right to assemble, protest, religion, look at a tree, and free speech. “Oh yeah, are you kidding? We’re going to give those freedoms right back, probably,” Governor Gavin Newsom explained. “It’s just that this virus is…