“You guys pinky swear you’ll give these back, right?”
That’s what Americans are asking after the government abolished their right to assemble, protest, religion, look at a tree, and free speech.
“Oh yeah, are you kidding? We’re going to give those freedoms right back, probably,” Governor Gavin Newsom explained. “It’s just that this virus is so scary we need everyone to wear these ankle bracelets and not go to church. You know how it goes.”
While it might seem like American citizens are the ones suffering from the dismantling of their liberties, many governors are arguing that they have it worse.
“The one thing we’re always trying to do is abolish those pesky rights,” an angry Washington Governor Jay Inslee said. “Then one day, we got them all. Now, what do I do? I’m bored! I feel like one of those kids who caught all the Pokemons or something. This is hell!”
Some officials have proposed extending fake ‘rights’ (free snorkeling lessons, for example) just for the satisfaction of having something to snatch away.
Update: When pressed for a guarantee that all citizens’ rights will be restored, many of these governors were rushed to the ER due to explosive and unending laughter. Unfortunately for them, every hospital had been closed due to inactivity.