WILMINGTON, DE – Maintaining a good work-life balance is essential. And credit where credit’s due, fictional President Joe Biden has struck an admirable equilibrium between the two. “I’ve practiced medicine for over thirty years, and I can barely detect a life,” a White House doctor said of Biden. “And when you juxtapose that with bearly…
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Ray Epps Added To January 6th Committee
WASHINGTON, DC — To give themselves an edge in the January 6th mystery, the crime-fighting committee (who demand to be called J6C-FORCE!) hired none other than Ray Epps several months ago. “I think everyone who called us stupid has a lot of explaining to do,” Liz Cheney said after announcing Epps to the team. “This man…
Matt Walsh Sets World Record For Correctly Assuming 2,000 Consecutive Genders
TENNESSEE- Amateur gender knower and all-around man’s man, Matt Walsh put on perhaps his most jaw-dropping performance at the Nashville West Shopping Center this week. While waiting for his wife to leave the little-known Jeremy’s Modest Lingerie retail store, The Daily Wire host began casually assuming the genders of those passing him. Soon, people began…
White House Gift Shop Now Selling ‘Inflation Is A Myth’ Hoodies For $289
WASHINGTON, D.C.–The popular ‘inflation is a myth’ hoodie has returned to the online White House gift shop, but this time it costs $289. Despite their rich history of being unaware of things, Democrats shoppers actually noticed the price jump. The White House was forced to release the following statement regarding the sweatshirt: “Some have noticed a mostly peaceful…
My Roommate Stopped Letting Me Use His HBO Max Login. Is This Another January 6th?
It’s me/zi/zoy again, Libby McTardo, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because my idiot roommate, Blake stopped letting me use his HBO Max login. And I’m left wondering if this is January 6th all over again. As many of you know, I spent lockdowns with my last roommate, Twilight the pansexual. I wouldn’t let her leave the…