If you think a national food shortage could be a problem, you’re probably setting up folding chairs and the refreshment table for your local Qanon meeting at this very moment. At least that’s what the White House is saying. After most Americans noticed the empty shelves in their local grocery store, this administration unveiled ‘The…
Category: Carousel
Airlines: 40% Of Staff Spontaneously Developed Fear Of Heights
What rotten luck! In a joint statement from the top airline CEOs, it was revealed that roughly 40% of their industry’s workforce has developed a fear of flying. “It’s called Acute Spontaneous Elevatie-a-Fraidy phobia, and we’re checking to see if it’s covered by Obamacare,” Southwest CEO, Gary Kelly said. “We don’t know if it’s an epidemic…
How Can You Call Me A ‘Limousine Liberal’ If I Drive The Audi Q8 My Dad Bought Me? By Libby McTardo
Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy Libby McTardo again, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because after my last op-ed, a bunch of you tried to kill me by making fun of me. And if you think I’m exaggerating then you’re a rapist. Anywho, I’m here to ask perhaps the most important question of our time: How Can You Call…
LGBT Community Launches ‘The 2006 Project’ Citing America Really Began When Justin Brought Sexy Back
A group of absolutely fabulous homosexuals have launched ‘The 2006 Project’, which asserts that the United States of America actually began shortly after Justin Timberlake’s 2006 hit single “I’m Bringing Sexy Back.” As expected, Republicans are furious about The 2006 Project and are calling Timberlake’s song ‘dangerous’ and ‘snappy.’ “Mr. Timberlake claims, without evidence, that he…
Disney’s Indiana Jones Remake Features Black Man’s Improbable Quest To Get I.D.
When the Walt Disney studios green-lit another chapter to the popular Indiana Jones franchise, they knew audiences needed the most spectacular adventure yet. Not only has Disney delivered on a story arc that will leave audiences both astonished and mystified, but the latest film is also guaranteed to be far superior to any that came…