BURBANK, CA–When the Walt Disney studios green-lit another chapter to the popular Indiana Jones franchise, they knew audiences needed the most spectacular adventure yet. Not only has Disney delivered on a story arc that will leave audiences both astonished and mystified, but the latest film is also guaranteed to be far superior to any that…
Category: Carousel
How Can You Call Me A ‘Limousine Liberal’ If I Drive The Audi Q8 My Dad Bought Me? By Libby McTardo
Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy Libby McTardo again, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because after my last op-ed, a bunch of you tried to kill me by making fun of me. And if you think I’m exaggerating then you’re a rapist. Anywho, I’m here to ask perhaps the most important question of our time: How Can You Call…
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
Gavin Newsom Tweets, “STOP THE COUNT!” As Recall Signatures Pour In
Gavin Newsom has finally snapped. On Thursday night, after reports that the campaign to recall him was approaching two million signatures, he frantically tweeted, “STOP THE COUNT!” According to sources, Newsom was also incessantly screaming the same phrase as he paced his governor’s mansion. “Why are they picking on me? I’ve done everything big tech,…
With Corn Pop Defeated, Biden Vows To Conquer Count Chocula
In a rousing speech earlier in the week, Joe Biden reminded the nation it was he who toppled Corn Pop. Then the former VP raised the stakes. “And now that you’ve elected me, I GUARANTEE my administration will finally get Count Chocula too!” Biden yelled into the microphone causing all 9 people to erupt in…