WASHINGTON, DC — When it comes to retarded whores, Kamala Harris has built a remarkable 98-point advantage over President Trump, a new Gallup Poll is reporting. The Harris campaign tweeted a link to the poll with the caption: “It’s our time.” A closer look at the poll’s findings shows more good news for the current…
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California Store Owner Prices All Items At $951 So Thieves Can Be Prosecuted
WHITTIER, CA — Los Angeles convenience store owner Omid Kamran has not been robbed in over three weeks after making some shrewd price adjustments. To help stimulate crime, California lawmakers passed Prop 47, which legalized theft under $950. So Omid simply priced every item in his store at $951. And the results have been astonishing.…
White House Asks Pete Buttigieg To Stop Starting Huge Explosions So Firemen Will Show Up
OHIO – The White House has expressed its mild disapproval of Pete Buttigieg for starting dozens of massive explosions after the little perv learned the carnage inevitably attracts swarms of firemen. Pete’s latest sabotage happened in Miami, Ohio—a place the mayor assumed would have ‘the sexiest firemen in the Midwest.’ “Oh, for heaven’s sake! We’ve…
'I Don't Need A Ride, I Need Ammo!' Joe Biden Yells Passing Through Every Democrat-Run City
CHICAGO, IL— As Fictional President Joe Biden makes his way through Democrat-run cities, he has repeatedly been heard screaming, “I don’t need a ride, I need ammo!” as mobs of criminals chase him. In a recent visit to Chicago to congratulate Lori Lightfoot on its big surgery, Joe wandered off to look for ice cream…