A Pensacola judge is upholding the eviction of Peter and Emily Jordan after their house cat identified as the legal homeowner. “We are pleased that the judge respects Pumpkin’s lived experience,” the cat’s lawyer said in front of the courthouse. “That house is all his, especially the bed and sunny spot on the upstairs floor. I personally believe Peter and…
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LGBT Community Launches ‘The 2006 Project’ Citing America Really Began When Justin Brought Sexy Back
A group of absolutely fabulous homosexuals have launched ‘The 2006 Project’, which asserts that the United States of America actually began shortly after Justin Timberlake’s 2006 hit single “I’m Bringing Sexy Back.” As expected, Republicans are furious about The 2006 Project and are calling Timberlake’s song ‘dangerous’ and ‘snappy.’ “Mr. Timberlake claims, without evidence, that he…
Disney’s Indiana Jones Remake Features Black Man’s Improbable Quest To Get I.D.
When the Walt Disney studios green-lit another chapter to the popular Indiana Jones franchise, they knew audiences needed the most spectacular adventure yet. Not only has Disney delivered on a story arc that will leave audiences both astonished and mystified, but the latest film is also guaranteed to be far superior to any that came…
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
Target Introduces ‘Democrat Only’ Self-Checkout Line Where They Just Run Out Without Paying
What proved to be a successful pilot program over the summer, Target stores are pleased to roll out their new ‘Democrat only’ self-checkout lines nationwide. The large retail store boasts the new line will be a handy way for loyal Democrats to simply sprint out of the building without the tedious and racist process of…