With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
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Target Introduces ‘Democrat Only’ Self-Checkout Line Where They Just Run Out Without Paying
What proved to be a successful pilot program over the summer, Target stores are pleased to roll out their new ‘Democrat only’ self-checkout lines nationwide. The large retail store boasts the new line will be a handy way for loyal Democrats to simply sprint out of the building without the tedious and racist process of…
Horribly Offensive Word Spotted On Lay’s Potato Chips Bag
Yikes. It looks like, for the second time this month, another potato company is in big trouble. On Friday morning, over fifty grocery store chains have canceled their contract with Lay’s Potato Chips after a horrific racial slur was spotted on one of their bags. It is a long-standing rule that the Glorious American not…
Gavin Newsom Tweets, “STOP THE COUNT!” As Recall Signatures Pour In
Gavin Newsom has finally snapped. On Thursday night, after reports that the campaign to recall him was approaching two million signatures, he frantically tweeted, “STOP THE COUNT!” According to sources, Newsom was also incessantly screaming the same phrase as he paced his governor’s mansion. “Why are they picking on me? I’ve done everything big tech,…
With Corn Pop Defeated, Biden Vows To Conquer Count Chocula
In a rousing speech earlier in the week, Joe Biden reminded the nation it was he who toppled Corn Pop. Then the former VP raised the stakes. “And now that you’ve elected me, I GUARANTEE my administration will finally get Count Chocula too!” Biden yelled into the microphone causing all 9 people to erupt in…
