WASHINGTON, D.C.–The popular ‘inflation is a myth’ hoodie has returned to the online White House gift shop, but this time it costs $289. Despite their rich history of being unaware of things, Democrats shoppers actually noticed the price jump. The White House was forced to release the following statement regarding the sweatshirt: “Some have noticed a mostly peaceful…
Category: Carousel
My Roommate Stopped Letting Me Use His HBO Max Login. Is This Another January 6th?
It’s me/zi/zoy again, Libby McTardo, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because my idiot roommate, Blake stopped letting me use his HBO Max login. And I’m left wondering if this is January 6th all over again. As many of you know, I spent lockdowns with my last roommate, Twilight the pansexual. I wouldn’t let her leave the…
Disney’s Indiana Jones Remake Features Black Man’s Improbable Quest To Get I.D.
BURBANK, CA–When the Walt Disney studios green-lit another chapter to the popular Indiana Jones franchise, they knew audiences needed the most spectacular adventure yet. Not only has Disney delivered on a story arc that will leave audiences both astonished and mystified, but the latest film is also guaranteed to be far superior to any that…
How Can You Call Me A ‘Limousine Liberal’ If I Drive The Audi Q8 My Dad Bought Me? By Libby McTardo
Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy Libby McTardo again, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because after my last op-ed, a bunch of you tried to kill me by making fun of me. And if you think I’m exaggerating then you’re a rapist. Anywho, I’m here to ask perhaps the most important question of our time: How Can You Call…
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…