Hello, it’s me/zi/zoy Libby McTardo again, and I’m literally shaking right now. Why? Because after my last op-ed, a bunch of you tried to kill me by making fun of me. And if you think I’m exaggerating then you’re a rapist. Anywho, I’m here to ask perhaps the most important question of our time: How Can You Call…
Category: Carousel
LeBron: ‘We're At The Point Where A Girl Can't Even Stab Her Friends Anymore’
With the country in disarray, Americans continue to turn to famed basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James. Following an exhausting Lakers practice filled with gender pronoun drills and watching film (CNN), James issued a sobering reminder of how far this country has fallen in the wake of Donald Trump: “Ya know, it’s…
Gavin Newsom Tweets, “STOP THE COUNT!” As Recall Signatures Pour In
Gavin Newsom has finally snapped. On Thursday night, after reports that the campaign to recall him was approaching two million signatures, he frantically tweeted, “STOP THE COUNT!” According to sources, Newsom was also incessantly screaming the same phrase as he paced his governor’s mansion. “Why are they picking on me? I’ve done everything big tech,…
Trump Reclaims White House Using Eminent Domain
Well, that was fast. Using some clever court filings, Donald Trump was able to immediately reclaim the White House using eminent domain. As construction for “Trump Tower Swamp” begins, some MAGA hat-wearing city planners agreed that the White House property makes the most sense for a parking structure. The tower will be directly in front…
Lin Wood Pretty Sure This Cat Is In On The Whole Thing Too
Lin Wood is pretty sure he just discovered the true mastermind behind the deep fraud of the 2020 election. In a bombshell statement the attorney wrote the following: “We now know who was directing John Robert’s treasonous actions. It was Stella, my wife’s cat. This whole time he has been applying pressure on Mike Pence…