The always generous Sidney Powell made a compromise with Tucker Carlson over the weekend. After an impatient Tucker demanded to see evidence of voter fraud before any judges, Powell went ahead and overnighted Carlson an actual Kraken to hold him over.
“Finally, the evidence of the most diabolical crime perpetrated upon our once-great nation has arrived,” Tucker said, opening the box. But after the legendary squid leapt out of the box and tackled the cable news host’s face, he was almost certain this was not the evidence he was hoping for.
“This is less than ideal!” he screamed as he tried to pull the mythical creature off himself. “Get this dastardly cephalopod off my face! Return to the sea from whence ye came!”
A livid Tucker immediately called Sidney Powell.
“Totally uncalled for! Where did you even find this thing?” he demanded to know.
“Deep, deep in the ocean, Tucker. Not quite as low as Fox’s ratings, but close,” Powell said before hanging up.
Carlson, a noted animal lover, has adopted the squid and is trying to think of the perfect name for the slippery spineless bottom dweller.
Update: He named it Mitt Romney.