SACRAMENTO, CA– At long last, Nancy Pelosi and Gavin Newsom have received word Satan himself will be moving from Hell to the state of California.
For years, politicians begged the Prince of Darkness to move to California but were repeatedly told Satan could still see a sliver of difference between Hell and The Golden State. Not anymore.
Newsom and Pelosi devised a brilliant plan to disable the fire hydrants and refuse to manage the forest underbrush. Soon, California became completely dark and on fire. When you mix in the typical screaming of taxpayers, you have the perfect recipe for anyone who prefers the Hell-like environment.
“They’ve been recruiting me pretty hard for the last few years,” said the Devil. “But with the new amenities like converting the state into a lake of fire, I was finally persuaded. Really great stuff. I cannot thank Gavin and Nancy enough for working so hard for this. California, HERE I COME!”
Update: Satan was considering condos in the Van Nuys / Sherman Oaks area, but after learning of the rents, taxes, and HOA dues, the Devil will now purchase property in Tennessee.
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