WASHINGTON, DC — Holding both hands in front of himself as if he were making a beautiful vase on a pottery wheel, President Donald Trump told a packed Alabama stadium what he believes should happen to Dr. Anthony Fauci.
“Dr. Fauci. Now there’s a beaut. We all know he’s not a very smart doctor. Not a smart cookie–a dumb cookie. It’s called…he’s a dumb cookie,” Trump told his crowd. “I’ve heard from a very respectable source that he couldn’t do the Highlights magazine games for kids in the doctor’s waiting room. But your favorite president is back in office, I’ll take care of him. My proposal will be a jail sentence for Fauci. But don’t worry, only for fifteen days.”
Despite the seemingly light jail sentence for the doctor, the crowd cheered with excitement. 80,000+ Alabamians then spent the next twenty minutes chanting, “Lock him down!”
“Yes, fifteen days. Maybe longer, by the way,” Trump continued. “Like his pandemic, it might stretch out for 30 or 40 months. I’m not totally sure. We’re looking into it.”
Update: Later on Sean Hannity’s on-location show, Trump confirmed that Dr. Fauci’s meals would consist entirely of horse paste while in the slammer.
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