PORTLAND, OR–Portland’s City Council has voted 11-0 to replace all fire fighters with fire pacifists. In a statement, the city reminded the public that they are firmly against all ‘fighters’ except for their 6,000 Antifa members. “While today marks a huge step backward in terms of fire safety, we take a massive step forward in hiring…

PLANO, TX– Doritos unveiled their new line of Socialist flavored chips on Friday. Beginning in August, your local grocery store will soon have the Socialism-themed flavors of “Street Dog,” “Wet Dumpster,” and “Zesty Rat.” “Our demo has spoken,” said Frito-Lay President Vivek Sankaran. “18-29-year-olds are so in love with this political movement we just know…

CHICAGO, IL– Teachers Unions all over the nation are now demanding the Biden administration supply them with surface-to-air missiles and javelins before they can safely return to the classroom. “Everyone was giving us attention and asking us what we wanted for eighteen months, and now it’s Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine! Blah-blah-blah!” a disgusted Randi Weingarten said. “So I told Biden,…

WASHINGTON, DC — Whenever Republicans need a little bump in the polls, they place a microphone near the mouth of Ilhan Omar.  Soon, the congresswoman will say something so controversial that the nation panics and throws more support behind the GOP. This time, it was Kevin McCarthy who whispered, “Hey, ya goofy girl, take your…

We enjoyed compiling the 10 most progressive Christmas cards. But like the vaccine, we cannot fully enjoy them unless you do too. So here we go: __________________________________ #10: Many people use December 25th as a holiday all its own. But Danielle Collins of Nashville is using the date to warn us that the dreaded insurrection…