New documents from the NIH reveal that once Dr. Anthony Fauci realized he had no idea how to kill COVID, he tried his hand at killing puppies. Soon the phrase #FauciKillsDoggieStyle began trending on Twitter and the wise and noble doctor was forced to defend himself. “Listen, I’m a warm and relatable man. Therefore, I understand that…
Category: Studies & Science
Science Forced To Reschedule Mandates Until After Obama’s Birthday Party
With a loud booming voice that oddly sounded like it was coming from DNC headquarters, Science™ spoke and said it’s time to triple mask and limit home gatherings to 500 people. But Science™ accidentally made the rookie mistake by not first running its findings by Obama’s party planning committee. “You tell Science™ it needs to reschedule. Before…
Biden Vows To Bring Murder Rates Down To Pre-BLM Levels
Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
Villagers Perplexed Local Crocodile Is Still Hungry Despite Feeding It Their People
The few remaining villagers of the little-known tribe of MinnHeeHee [click] Sota of Botswana have started to grow worried in recent days. Their concern is that, no matter how many of their people they sacrifice to a local tyrannical crocodile, its hunger doesn’t seem to be satisfied. The locals explain that this particular massive and…
‘Kids In Cages’ Up 225% Since You Started Reading This Headline
When the Biden administration eliminated ICE, tore down the wall, and started waving foreigners into America like a third base coach, few could have anticipated the immigration crisis we now find ourselves in. In fact, since you decided to click on this article, the number of kids in cages has soared a whopping 225%. And…