In what’s being called the most troubling footage since Elizabeth Warren’s ‘I’m going to get me a beer’ video, Donald Trump’s CPAC speech has left millions of viewers dead.
CNN broke the startling news but has yet to confirm any actual deaths.
“We’re going with our gut on this one,” CNN’s Brian Stelter said. “When Trump began his dangerous, unapproved speech, it was just a massacre probably. Millions dead. This is America, you’re not supposed to just hear whatever you want. And the body count proves that.”
Forensic experts now believe all post-President Trump videos will have a similar phenomenon found in the 2002 film The Ring.
“You watch it and, because of the falsehoods, you die shortly thereafter,” Jim Acosta said on behalf of the experts. “It’s science. My neighbor recently heard Trump say, ‘our elections should have voter I.D.,’ and his brain exploded inside his skull. Now he just sits there. Dead. Watching Louder with Crowder and telling me to leave him alone.”
Even worse, Trump’s speech further radicalize people who believe American election results shouldn’t be first filtered through China before released.
“China carefully organizes that info as a courtesy! How dare he insult that long-held tradition we implemented last November,” yelled Stelter turning red like a sweet potato.