Over the weekend, fictional President Joe Biden set the ambitious goal of bringing the nation’s murder rate to pre-Black Lives Matter levels. Making the announcement in front of a burnt-down Target in Wisconsin, Biden again dazzled with his oratory skills. “My fellow Filipinos, have you seen the graph, for [explicit] sake? There’s like…a red line going like this [hand…
Category: Studies & Science
Villagers Perplexed Local Crocodile Is Still Hungry Despite Feeding It Their People
The few remaining villagers of the little-known tribe of MinnHeeHee [click] Sota of Botswana have started to grow worried in recent days. Their concern is that, no matter how many of their people they sacrifice to a local tyrannical crocodile, its hunger doesn’t seem to be satisfied. The locals explain that this particular massive and…
‘Kids In Cages’ Up 225% Since You Started Reading This Headline
When the Biden administration eliminated ICE, tore down the wall, and started waving foreigners into America like a third base coach, few could have anticipated the immigration crisis we now find ourselves in. In fact, since you decided to click on this article, the number of kids in cages has soared a whopping 225%. And…
Conservatives Start Replacing “See You Later“ With “See You At The Camp!”
Convinced they’ll soon be rounded up, conservatives everywhere have begun replacing the phrase “see you later” with “see you at the camp.” The trend picked up steam after the Biden administration mailed all registered Republicans a pamphlet reading “So You’re An Unhinged Qanon National Security Threat—What Next?” With Trump gone, many conservatives have begun using…
Millions Drop Dead After Viewing Trump’s CPAC Speech
In what’s being called the most troubling footage since Elizabeth Warren’s ‘I’m going to get me a beer’ video, Donald Trump’s CPAC speech has left millions of viewers dead. CNN broke the startling news but has yet to confirm any actual deaths. “We’re going with our gut on this one,” CNN’s Brian Stelter said.…