PORTLAND, OR – The owner of Rip City Chop Shop, a famous sex reassignment clinic in Beaverton, is being sued for only offering two genders. The lawsuit called Doctor Hackabunch’s practice a ‘worse-than-Hitler act of outrageous bigotry’ and is seeking a modest sum of just over 14 billion dollars. “I’m sitting in the lobby, and…
Category: Health
Snoop Dogg Disappointed With Trump’s Irresponsible Drug Use
MAR-A-LAGO, FL —After then-President Donald Trump announced he used Hydroxychloroquine, predictably, it was Snoop Dogg who spoke up to rebuke the ‘irresponsible’ drug use. “So Trump’s on that hydroxyl-quizzle? Way outta line if you ask this musician. Way outta line,” the rapper said in an Instagram video. Mr. Dogg continued, “What hurts the most is…
Vaccine Recipients Uneasy About Small Wire Leading To Bill Gates' House
MEDINA, WA — Many vaccine recipients have noticed a small wire connected to their arm from where the shot was administered. Even more peculiar, the wire leads into Bill Gates’ Seattle mansion. “Is this normal?” a concerned 67-year-old Helen Philips asked her nurse about the two thousand-mile-long blue wire. “Oh, here we go again. Another…
White House: Wave Of ‘Died Suddenly’ Incidences Likely Due To Gas Stoves
WASHINGTON, DC – As the wave of people dying suddenly reaches preposterous levels, the likely cause is something many people have quietly suspected. Gas stoves. If you’re skeptical, consider this: Even Joe Biden is now saying these appliances are to blame—and he’s a legitimate President. “My fellow A..Ar..Armenians, unless you’ve been living under Iraq for…
Experts Now Believe Grinch’s Heart Growing Three Sizes That Day Was Due To Vaccine
Mt. CRUMPIT — Medical experts now have strong cause to believe that the Grinch suffered from a massive case of myocarditis following his third Johnson & Johnson shot. Before the discovery, it was widely assumed that the Grinch’s heart rapidly grew three sizes because of his newfound understanding of the meaning of Christmas. “Unfortunately, we…