WASHINGTON, DC — As rumors swirl that Joe Biden is barely alive, the fictional President put his doubters to shame with a masterful series of backflips and somersaults on Monday.
“See? You can even kick him, and he won’t lose balance. Watch,” Jill told the press as she forcefully pushed Biden with his leg. Joe quickly stabilized as the press oohed and aahed.
As per usual, Joe’s day was not without gaffs. During one of his displays of agility, his head accidentally fell off.
“Oh, Joe! You silly goose!” his wife yelled quickly, fastening his head back onto his shoulders. “He’ll do anything for a laugh.”
Finally, Joe’s performance was so inspiring the press blurted out the question:
“Mr. Biden, if you’re able to leap twice your body height, why is Trump’s soul so dark and evil?”
But the reporter was quickly smacked over the head with a broom as the decree of ‘no questions!’ was shouted.
Back at MSNBC studios, Joe Scarborough could hardly contain himself. “What we just saw on that lawn was something Donald Trump could only dream of doing. It’s safe to say Americans everywhere are thinking the same thing. After seeing Joe Biden leap about, who needs an election?”
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