For the third time this year, Barack Obama has accidentally fired off a wave of deadly drone strikes while trying to open his garage door. “Why won’t this darn….. uhhhh.. thing work?” Obama asked as he repeatedly pressed the drone button. “First capitalism and now this? I just want inside my sixteen million dollar home!…
Category: World & Weather
The Sun Has Risen This Morning, Facebook Fact-Checkers Confirm
Earlier this morning, The Glorious American was on the verge of reporting a story that mentioned a beautiful sunrise. But the good folks over at Facebook prevented us from jumping the gun with that claim. At first, we published a glorious article titled: “We Hope Today’s SUN Isn’t Laundering Millions Into The Biden Crime Family…
Democrats: Trump’s Middle East Peace Deals Break Tradition Of Chaos, Wastes Paper
Sure, Donald Trump is hammering home peace deals like Nancy Pelosi at a Dave & Buster’s happy hour, but it’s not all good news for the President. Many Democrats are claiming Trump has ruined yet another tradition of war and death in the Middle East. “Come on, man! Trump ruins everything! He’s not strong, or…
Al-Qaeda Asks To Borrow Goodyear’s HR PowerPoint
Before Friday, the Goodyear Tire Company had very little correspondence with Al-Qaeda. But once their anti-police, pro-BLM dress code slide became public, the horrible terrorist group simply had to get their hands on it. “It looks like Goodyear hates America as much as we do,” Al-Qaeda’s HR manager said. “Our organization has new-hires too. Not…
CNN Reporter Shouts That Seattle’s Occupied Zone Is ‘Totally Safe’ Over Sound Of Gunshots
As reports began to surface that Seattle’s lawless den of criminals have begun murdering one another, CNN was quick to send a reporter to the scene to debunk these wild, right-wing conspiracy theories. “I’m here at this lovely street festival, and as you can see, it couldn’t be more tranquil,” the reporter informed CNN’s Brian…