For the third time this year, Barack Obama has accidentally fired off a wave of deadly drone strikes while trying to open his garage door.
“Why won’t this darn….. uhhhh.. thing work?” Obama asked as he repeatedly pressed the drone button. “First capitalism and now this? I just want inside my sixteen million dollar home! Haven’t Michelle and I suffered enough?”
With every click, another drone obliterated a Middle Eastern family, and the media couldn’t have been more thrilled to return to the good old days of indiscriminately stirring up chaos overseas.
“He may have just been trying to get into his garage again, but when you think about it, this was one of Obama’s more brilliant decisions,” Jake Tapper said on CNN’s new show War Is Wonderful! “Donald Trump never once went to war. Another example of the wild and dangerous way he ran this country. But remember this all you MAGA folks, Trump may have never killed school children with drones, but he did kill corporate media’s desire to film war for ratings. So good luck coming to grips with that, you monsters.”
Critics say that Obama shouldn’t have a button that randomly rains death upon unsuspecting families. However, members of the deep state say, “Yeah, but Barack really likes it. He loves to press it when he’s feeling down or intimidated by Michelle.”
Update: Global leaders are anxious after reports surfaced that Obama’s housekeeper placed his nuke button right next to his arcade-style Wack-A-Mole game.
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