Portland’s local Antifa chapter has filed for a permit which allows them to toss conservatives into a large wood chipper, The Glorious American has learned. In what Mayor, Ted Wheeler, called “a tricky grey area of free speech”, the display has been authorized to take place at Pioneer Square later this week. “I have instructed…
Category: U.S. News
Trump Appoints The Charmin Bears To Head EPA
Donald Trump has appointed the Charmin Bears to run the Department of Environmental Protection Agency. The President’s reasoning for the appointment was simple; “Have you seen those bears clean?” Trump said in the press conference. “I mean, if they can clean our nation like they do those hineys, we’ll be in tremendous shape!” he concluded.…
Unable To Grant Full Reparations, White People Opt To Extend $100 itunes Gift Card
Although the idea of offering reparations to Black Americans has picked up steam, it was recently decided such payments would not be made. However, the nation’s white people have agreed to offer the next best thing: a $100 itunes gift card. “We think this is a great compromise,” Alison Kimball of Green Bay told The…
Dairy Queen Announces Breakfast Menu
You’ll soon have another fast-food breakfast option for your morning commute. Beginning July 1st, all Dairy Queen restaurants will offer an exciting breakfast menu. “Frankly, we’re not sure why we didn’t think of this sooner,” Dairy Queen CEO, John Gainor, told The Glorious American. “It’s so simple. We just take a regular blizzard and shove…